Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry, does not seem to be a wise suggestion. Yet it is the right advice.
Religious people, politicians – everybody – should learn to listen to opposing views. We must learn to listen to the other person in our angry moments.
Students shoot and kill when they can’t have their way. In anger, they vent their frustrations on innocent people.
Religious militants attack and kill people who express different views. They angrily and violently defend their beliefs but will not allow others to express theirs. Their anger makes it difficult for them to tolerate divergent opinions.
We live daily in fear of angry suicide bombers who strike at random.
Some people can’t listen to opposing views yet want others to listen to theirs.
Listening helps solve problems. When we listen, we hear what our opponents say.
We must not listen only to rebut. Sincere listening helps us understand our opponent’s problems and views. We must listen to know the problem, so we can respond appropriately.
Some people hate to listen when their opponents tell them they are wrong. When their opponents suggest different options, they find it difficult to listen.
Ego also prevents us from listening.
A man noticed a police officer trying hard to make some local people obey him. He observed that they did not understand the English language that the police officer spoke. So he suggested that the officer could make them understand if he spoke in a language they understood.
The police officer asked the gentleman angrily, “Are you the one to teach me how to do my work?” The suggestion offended the police officer’s ego. Yet he was not making headway by his approach.
The gentleman tried to explain but the police officer got angrier. He and his colleagues assaulted the gentleman, resulting in the man sustaining injuries.
The man was trying to help. But their inflated and conceited ego made it difficult for them to appreciate the man’s good intentions and views.
When we are arguing we are more interested in what we say than what others say. So we become impatient and can’t wait for them to finish expressing or elaborating on their views. And we interrupt with our prejudices.
We may interpret our opponents’ contrary views to be personal attacks on us.
Listening to another person’s point of view does not necessarily mean you agree with him or her.
When you listen to people you get to know how they think and why they behave the way they do. And that contributes to solving the problem. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.
Religious militants believe they are always right. They insist they are right even when evidence or proof is provided to suggest otherwise. They can’t acknowledge that others, too, could be right.
Angel Cataluna says,
“To handle an objection you must first listen to the other person, and make sure they know you are listening.” (Angel A. Cataluna, Basic Influencing and Persuasion.)
If your opponent knows that you are open to listen to what he or she says, he or she, too, will listen to you. You can disagree with each other, and yet have a healthy dialogue.
We learn by listening and observing. And as Cataluna said, we must make sure they know we are listening. That encourages them to also want to listen to us. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.
(Further Reading, “Why Persuasion Is Better Than Force.”)
(“Conquering Without Being Violent.”)
To be continued…
