Returning anger for anger does not resolve conflict. If you hit or insult a person in return for what he or she did, he or she will likely retaliate.
Proverbs 24:29, therefore, says, “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work,'” (NKJV).
The late Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
Aesop illustrates this truth in one of his fables, “The Lion and the Boar.”
On a hot day, a lion and a boar met at a small water body for a drink. They argued and fought about who should drink first. Some vultures on a tree watching them took sides. One side said the lion had the right to drink first, while the other said the boar had the first right to drink. As they fought on, more vultures gathered. They, too, took sides. The lion and the boar tore at each other as the vultures cheered on. After a while, they were tired and stopped for breath. Then they realized that the vultures were waiting for one of them to die or both to die so they could feast on their carcasses. The lion and the boar then decided that it was best to make up and be friends rather than become food for the vultures. They stopped fighting, drank the water together, and went on their separate ways.
People who encourage you to fight take advantage of you.
When people or countries fight, other people and countries enrich themselves by selling arms to them. After the war, reconstructions take place. And those who stood by watching are the ones who are engaged and paid to do the reconstructions.
Learn to listen to your angry opponents though you disagree with them. It makes it easier for them to listen to you, too. Listening to your opponent explaining or expressing his or her views will help minimize the conflict.
Let your opponent know that you are interested in what he or she is saying even though you disagree with him or her. This helps to create an opening for you to engage the opponent, and provide the opportunity for you, too, to express your views.
Listening will help you to understand your opponent, even though you may still disagree with him or her. Fault-finding and name-calling will rather ignite more arguments, and intensify your opponent’s anger instead of solving the matter. Everybody believes that he or she is right.
Some people conceal their aggression. They hide their anger and hate. They have what is known as a concealed form of aggression. They express their anger without communicating their feelings directly. It is called passive aggression. The dictionary defines passive aggression as a behavior characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others while avoiding direct confrontation.
Theydish out criticism,usingreverse attack, but cannot withstand others critiquing them. They like hurting their opponents. They love to attack the integrity of their opponents or say anything to hurt the emotions of their opponents. They spew out vitriolic words even when they know what they say is not true. They speak like the piercings of the sword, (Proverbs 12:18).
Remain calm and avoid further arguments with them.
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)
Don’t let what they say ruffle you. Think before you speak.“The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. (Proverbs 15:2; NIV)
It will not be easy initially, because as a human being, you will be hurt by their insults. However, if you practice ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose its venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.
Jesus always listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.
The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her emotions and her prejudice and make her listen to him.
Some Jews asked him whether it was right to pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them they should give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God to God. The coin they showed Jesus had Caesar’s image. Human beings, on the other hand, are created in God’s image. It is right to give back to Caesar what Caesar gave you in the form of taxes. But worship belongs to God who created us in his image. Therefore, we must worship only God.
If you make what you present pleasant to people, they will want to listen to you. Then as they are listening, you can help them to understand your point of view. In that, you are helping them to make informed decisions.
Don’t be offended when your opponent suggests alternative opinions to yours. Listen carefully and evaluate what you hear so you can confidently say how yours is right or better. You could also be wrong.
Know when to stop arguing. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)
Don’t be sarcastic with your responses. Respect your opponent’s views and intelligence. You are not the only wise person in the world. Don’t be like Job’s friends who regarded themselves as the only wise persons in the world. Job told them, “No doubt you are the people, and wisdom will die with you.”(ESV)
Stop contending with people if you realize that they are not interested in listening to you, and will not allow you to explain your side of the matter. The more you contend with a person disagreeing with you, the more that person rages and fumes.
Proverbs 26:21 says, “A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood,” (NLT).
It is painful when your spouse, your child, or your friend, forgets the good things you have done for him or her and accuses you of being uncaring. Some people choose to forget the good things you have done for them but rather will accuse you of bad things that you have not done.
Ingratitude is everywhere, in all generations, and among all peoples.Even in the Bible, we read of people being ungrateful to God.
People can be selfish and quick to abuse kindness. They quickly forget the kindness that you have done for them. And will swear you have never done anything for them. They will even gang up with people who seek your downfall.
No matter how many times you help them, when you are unable to help them, then they will forget any good thing you ever did for them.
It happened to me several years ago. I have been slashed by the tongues of people I have helped feed. People I have aided have turned against me and even denied that I have ever helped them.
Fortunately for me, some residents knew what I did to those people who had turned around to falsely accuse me.
One resident could not hide his astonishment. He said to me in astonishment, “What? I can’t believe what I am hearing from this person! This person who is accusing you was the person who hailed and praised you for being an angel. Whenever you helped him, he would tell me and shower praises on you. Today he denies you ever helped him. I find it difficult to believe that this is happening. Fear man!”
Ingrates don’t care even if for very good reasons you cannot help them when they need your help. They choose to forget that you were the same angel who helped them in their times of need.
Ingrates are never satisfied – they don’t remember any good deed you did for them.
Even if you have ever saved them from death, and paid their debts for them, they will decide to forget your kind deeds when you are not able to continue helping. They will call you stingy and evil. They will not recollect that you had been a benefactor to them and to their families when they were hungry and needed help.
Most people are generally not appreciative. While you are trying to please them, they are accusing you. They use all the negative descriptions they can against you.
God noted this about the human character in Genesis 6:5,
“And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” (KJ2000)
Perhaps you have also been a victim of such peopleas I have.
When that happens, the first thing that comes to mind is to swear not to help anybody again.
But if the Spirit of God indwells you, you cannot resist the urge of the Spirit to demonstrate the character of God, your Father. You will obey the urgings of the Spirit of God to do good to both the thankful and the unthankful (Matthew 5:45; Luke 6:35-36).
The ingrate cannot appreciate the good things you do for him or her. He or she rather complains that your help is not good enough. They are always complaining and whining. They think it is their right and so they demand good deeds from people while they will not stretch a hand to help anyone. Some will not say even say, “Thank you,” for what you do for them. They think the world owes them good deeds and favors.
They always want more and are never satisfied. They find fault with you no matter how hard you try to please them.
You can be with them for forty or fifty years and they will never remember anything you did for them. Their mantra is always, “He or she has never done anything for me.” Of course, they are lying. You did so much for them. Ingratitude has filled their hearts, so they don’t appreciate anything that anyone has done for them.
They blame you for the mistakes they make themselves. They don’t blame themselves for their own mistakes. And so, it is always someone else who is the reason they are not successful in life.
However, they are quick to take the glory of your success and wear it. They attribute your access to their efforts even when they did everything possible to make you fail. They fail to remember that they were persuading you to stop striving because they didn’t believe you could be successful. Now that you are successful, they want to claim your glory.
Though they themselves are not successful in life, they are always pointing and laughing at people they think are not successful.
They don’t care about how you feel. They care only about themselves. They will do everything to make you miserable so they can be happy.
They are always praising themselves even when everyone sees them as failures.
Their hearts are filled with hate and bitterness. They don’t have compassion for anyone. Yet they believe they are the only compassionate ones in the world.
When you do something from conscience to help them, they praise you for your loyalty. They will say you have done what people of conscience do. They will call you a patriot for doing that. They praise you and say you are Godfearing. Because only the Godfearing will have the conscience to do for them what you did.
But if one of them also does what you have done, if the help or good deed is not for them but for others, they will shout on top of their voices, and condemn. They will call him or her a traitor.
They are quick to forget that some people responded to their conscience and took a similar stance to help them, vote for them, or agree with them. When others did that for them, they did not reckon that to be a betrayal. They admired the boldness and integrity of the people who took bold stances to support their cause. They prayed to God to send people like them who, for the sake of conscience, will be bold to do and say what is right.
But now that one of them, too, has done what you did, they interpret the action to be a betrayal. If it is coming from their camp, from their own people, then it is a betrayal.
That is how the world treats us.
It is good if it is against their opponent, but bad or treachery if it is against them. If it is against them, then disagreement becomes a betrayal.
Conscience can make a person do what a person believes is right, even if it might be against the person’s own friends, relations, or even interests.
Your spouse may refuse to do what you want and think it is his or her right to do so. But when you, too, do the same, then your spouse may feel hurt and accuse you of betrayal. That is the color of ingratitude.
They call people traitors when people change their minds to do what they had earlier agreed to do.
Perhaps, after thinking through, their conscience spoke to them. And because conscience is powerful, they rescind their decision to go ahead with what they had previously agreed to do. But ingrates don’t see it that way.
We must learn to persuade and not compel people against their will.
People may call you a fool if you are very tolerant. If you are someone who forgives people for treating you negatively, people may regard you as a fool.
People can forgive the evil done them because of the Spirit of God indwelling them. If you allow the Spirit of God to operate in you, you can forgive evil people others think do not deserve forgiveness. You can forgive any evil done to you if God’s Spirit of love and compassion operates fully in you.
I am happy, and I thank God that I live in this world despite all the evils and other negative things happening. I allow God’s Spirit to direct me in all that I do.
I have the heart to forgive all who trespass against me. Because of that some people think I am a fool. They don’t understand that I am a peacemaker, and my motivator is Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace.
Wherever God places you in this world, whichever community God places you in, know that you are God’s representative. God expects you to represent Him. To be good, and kind, show compassion to everyone, and help people who need help.
However, you can do that according to your capacity, the ability that God has endowed you with. God does not expect you to do beyond what you are able. God will provide the means, the capacity. Do what you can do and leave the rest to God.
Don’t be worried about what people say. If you don’t have the capacity to do beyond what you are doing to help people, God knows. What people say in their ignorance does not change God’s perception of you.
Therefore, in the village, in the city, and wherever you are, God expects you to do your part as He wants. Fulfill God’s purpose for creating and placing you where you are now.
Don’t disappoint God.
Show your gratitude to God by doing good, being kind, and representing God in all aspects of your life. Do not be conformed to the world. Rather be transformed by the renewing of your mind to know what God wants and expects you to do (Romans 12:2).
We read in Ephesians 4:22-24,
22 … put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. (NKJV)
From this passage, we learn that the brain restructures and reframes to adapt to new information we feed it.
Conduct (that is, your manner of life, your behavior) is changed if you renew the spirit of the mind. Change your mental attitude; learn what God wants you to do.
Your belief creates or destroys. You become a new personality by reframing your thinking and adopting a new way of doing things. We are, therefore, instructed in Ephesians 4:24-32 to feed the mind with positive thoughts, and good ideas, and act on them.
The spirit of the mind is renewed as we feed the mind with new thoughts and actions (Ephesians 4:23).
The body obeys the mind by putting into action what the mind suggests. And so, we feed the brain with new thoughts or ideas. The brain then forms new patterns for the new behaviors that we perform in accordance with the actions suggested by our thoughts or minds.
We learn in Romans 8 that God’s Spirit indwelling us transforms us into the spiritual nature of God’s Spirit. However, we cannot advance into spirituality if we cannot believe and obey.Our beliefs dominate our lives. Your beliefs create or limit your potential.Furthermore, the spirit in your body directs your body and transforms you to become a new person, living a new way.
The body, which is the temple of your spirit, is also the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). The Spirit of God, or the Holy Spirit, pours into your spirit when God pours his Spirit upon you. Just as milk blends with water when you pour milk into it, and both become one, so our spirit is changed to adapt to the nature of the Holy Spirit.
Therefore, the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 6:17, tells us, “But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. (NIV)
We cannot reinterpret the statement any other way. If the Holy Spirit wanted us to understand it differently, the Holy Spirit would have inspired the writer to use the appropriate words.
The Bible simply tells us that God’s Spirit, indwelling your body, makes you spiritual. Just as the milk turns or transforms the water to be whitish or creamy. The water does not change or transform itself. It is the milk that changes or transforms the water.
Therefore, allowing God’s Spirit full access enables the actualization of the Spirit in our spirits and lives. The presence of the Spirit in us actuates the power of the indwelling Spirit of God.
Therefore, Jesus said,
“… you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you.” (Acts 1:8; NIV)
The Spirit in the body demonstrates God’s presence and power in the human person.
On earth, Jesus (the Word of God), lived in a body and demonstrated God’s power in the Spirit.
Your intention – the beliefs in the mind – starts working when you act on your faith.
Therefore, Ephesians 4:23, advises us to be renewed in the spirit of the mind.” That means, changing your thoughts, changing your mental attitude.
Therefore, in Ephesians 4:22-24 we read,
22 … put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness. (NKJV)
As inferred earlier, conduct (behavior) is changed by the renewal of the spirit of the mind, by renewing your mental attitude.
The brain can restructure and reframe to adapt to new information. Therefore, we are instructed in Ephesians 4:24-32 to feed the mind with positive thoughts, and good ideas, and act on them.
The spirit of the mind is renewed as we feed the mind with new thoughts and actions (Ephesians 4:23). The spirit then becomes renewed or changed (or transformed). The body has the capacity to attract and put into action what the mind suggests. The brain then forms new patterns for the new behaviors according to the actions suggested by our thoughts.
In Romans 8, we read that God’s Spirit indwelling us enables us to become spiritual. So, it is the Spirit of God that makes us spiritual or transforms our spirit to become like God.
Our beliefs dominate our lives.Ourbelief enhances or limits our potential in us.The Spirit living in the body directs the body and transforms it into spirituality.
As mentioned earlier, the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19). And God’s Spirit, indwelling your body, makes you spiritual. The Spirit in the body is God’s presence and power in the human body.
This is demonstrated in the Bible when, on earth, Jesus (the Word of God), demonstrated God’s power through the Spirit in his human body.
We read of the ingratitude of the Children of Israel in the Bible. They repeatedly showed ingratitude towards God. They accused God of neglecting them. They did not remember anything God had done for their fathers or for them. They forgot that God parted the Red Sea for them to cross to safety, while he drowned their enemies. He drowned the Egyptians to save the Children of Israel. But they forgot what God did for them.
Another example of ingratitude is in Luke 17:11-18,
11 Now it happened as He went to Jerusalem that He passed through the midst of Samaria and Galilee. 12 Then as He entered a certain village, there met Him ten men who were lepers, who stood afar off. 13 And they lifted up their voices and said, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!”14 So when He saw them, He said to them, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And so it was that as they went, they were cleansed.15 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, returned, and with a loud voice glorified God, 16 and fell down on his face at His feet, giving Him thanks. And he was a Samaritan.17 So Jesus answered and said, “Were there not ten cleansed? But where are the nine? 18 Were there not any found who returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?” (NKJV)
His own people, the Jews, did not return to show gratitude for what God had done for them. They took it for granted. The foreigner, a Samaritan, rather showed appreciation for what God did for them. The Samaritan returned to show his gratitude to Jesus.
Jesus wondered why the others did not remember to return and show their appreciation.
As indicated earlier, ingratitude is not new. It has been in existence since the creation of the world.
Adam and Eve displayed ingratitude toward God when they listened to the serpent rather than believing God. They wanted more and ended up losing God’s protection. Their ingratitude caused their expulsion from the Garden of Eden. Furthermore, they lost the abundance that existed in the Garden of Eden.
Psalm 78:11-33 outlines the example of the ingratitude of the Children of Israel.
Your intention – the beliefs in the mind – starts working when you act on your faith. That is why the Bible advises us to be renewed in the spirit of the mind (Ephesians 4:23).
Let us learn to be grateful and appreciate what people have done for us. Don’t be an ingrate. Let the Spirit of God help you to appreciate the good things that people have done for you.
Be thankful to God and allow the Spirit of Christ to indwell you.
Winning without being violent and conquering by love and patience makes the world peaceful.
We can win without being violent. We can conquer by love and patience without hating. We do not have to win by violence.
Proverbs 25:15 says, “By long forbearance, a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.”
Using persuasion takes time. Therefore, violent and impatient people do not want to take that route. Impatient people want immediate results.
Persuasion wins without the ugly consequences associated with violence. It avoids deaths, injuries, and destruction of properties associated with violence.
Jesus taught us to love, to tolerate, and to forgive.
We can’t use hate to make people like us. The more we hate, the more people dislike us and eventually hate us. We convert even our hostile enemies into loving people when they become our friends.
Win without being violent. Conquering by love and patience without hate makes our world peaceful. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.”
Jesus met a Samaritan woman by a well (John4:5-43). The woman was antagonistic and sarcastic.
The situation between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time was almost at the boiling point of hatred. The Samaritan woman saw hate, anger, and vengeance, and so focused on hate, anger, and vengeance. But Jesus ignored her antagonistic stance and took a peaceful approach. Jesus felt the time had come for hate to end. It was time to banish hate by sowing seeds of love. Jesus, therefore, reached out to her with love.
Initially, the Samaritan woman was antagonistic in her response. She reminded Jesus that the situation between the Jews and the Samaritans was hate and anger.
Jesus continued to engage her with love, striving to turn her into a friend. Eventually, Jesus won her confidence and friendship.
We live in an age of hate and violence. People nurture hate and instill anger and hate into their offspring. They train their children to grow up hating people who disagree with them.
Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan to teach us how we should love and help people. (Luke 10:25-37).
We may disagree with what others like or say. Nevertheless, we should allow them to express their views. We should not be angry when people disagree with our views.
It is right to be unhappy about negative things people say about us or do. However, we should control our emotions not to respond physically and violently. Violent reactions indirectly and wrongly provide proof for the perception that we are angry and violent.
Love conquers
Love Conquers
Some people express their feelings through anger and violence. Jesus, however, taught us not to return violence for violence.
In many parts of Africa, communities in rural areas have suffered economic depravity because of conflicts. Economic progress eludes these communities because investors are afraid to invest in such communities. Even indigenes of the communities prefer to invest in other communities rather than in their own.
Terrorists use violence to coerce people.
On September 21, 2013, a group of armed terrorists, the al-Qaeda-linked al-Shabaab, forcefully entered the Westgate Mall in Nairobi’s Parklands area and unleashed senseless violence upon customers and workers.
The al-Shabaab’s quarrel was with the government of Kenya, not with the ordinary people or the shoppers. Yet they unleashed their anger on innocent people who had no part in their quarrel. They thought their actions could coerce the Kenyan Government to kowtow to their demands.
The Westgate Mall massacre, by 2 pm September 22, claimed the lives of 67 people and wounded at least 175. One thousand people were rescued.
What happened in Kenya on September 21, 2013, was similar to what happened in the US on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, when a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks were launched by the Islamic terrorist group, al-Qaeda, upon the United States in New York City, and Washington, D.C. metropolitan area.
Terrorists pick on helpless people while those they have disputes with are untouched. Yet terrorists do not consider that.
Suicide bombers express their grievances by killing innocent and helpless people.
Religious militants attack and kill helpless people to get the attention of governments.
But their actions make people hate them. People do not sympathize with those who hurt them.
Conquer by persuading or by convincing people. Do not use force.
A German proverb says, “Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.” A similar one, “Patience is bitter, but it bears sweet fruit,” has been quoted by some as of Turkish origin, while others have attributed it to Aristotle, or to Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Jesus Christ taught Christians to express their views or beliefs by love. He told Christians, “Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.”
Jesus used persuasion to win people’s love. He spoke to their conscience. In the face of provocations, Jesus always remained calm and discussed issues so convincingly that his opponents could not ignore them.
A woman was accused of committing adultery and brought before Jesus. The accusers reminded Jesus that the Law of Moses demanded that anyone who committed adultery must be stoned to death.
Jesus did not engage them in a lengthy argument. He did not try to talk to them to forgive the woman. Jesus said, “Anyone among you who has never committed any sin should throw the first stone.”
They all walked away without hurting the woman. Jesus turned to the woman and told her that he, too, was not going to condemn her. However, he advised her to go and sin no more. Though Jesus did not condone what she did and did not condemn her, he told her not to repeat the sin.
Do not allow your emotions to blind your reasoning. With patience, you can use persuasion to make people understand your point and accept your suggestions or views. Persuasion does not force people. If you use persuasion properly, people will not realize you are actually making them do what you want.
You may use force to get what you want. But you would live with the fear that your opponents may hurt you for revenge. You may conquer your opponents by using force and make them serve you. But that will not make them love you.
Violence breeds violence and reprisals. And that can continue without end.
Agree to sit at the negotiating table with your opponent to discuss an amicable end to the conflict or disagreement.
Anger is a difficult emotion to control. Angry people may think they are right when they are actually wrong. Anger overshadows their reasoning.
Many people are egoistic and care only about themselves. Anger, hate, and unforgiveness are always on their minds. They will hurt people and do anything to achieve their aims. They are unforgiving, insulting, sarcastic, and violent. They love hurting people with their words.
We read in Proverbs 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” (NKJV)
Our emotions can affect how we process our decisions. Anger can make us make wrong decisions.
In Ephesians 4:22-29, we learn that we should renew the spirit of the mind by putting on the new personality. We must shun anger and all evil practices by living and practicing good deeds.
Uncontrolled anger inspires an aggressive response. When we are angry, what comes first to mind is to fight or attack.
Express your anger assertively without being aggressive. Don’t attack people if you are not happy with what they say. Calmly explain to people how they are not treating you fairly.
We must always remember to control our internal responses to be calm.
Practicing makes action perfect
If you feed your mind with new thoughts and act on them, they will eventually become patterns of behavior. Your new mentality directs you to do things differently.
We, therefore, have the capacity to change. Our habits are the routines of behaviors we repeated regularly until they became embedded in our subconscious mind.
The first step to take to stop being angry is to delay reacting in anger. Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”
Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)
Our attitudes define our happiness.
We are the architects of the peace in our communities.
Dealing with personal attacks, overcoming adversities and winning without being violent, are some challenges many people struggle with daily.
It can be depressing when people blame you for mistakes you have not committed. It pains when you are accused of something you did not do. Some people scold and blame others for the troubles they encounter. They always justify their own mistakes but will blame others for any trouble that comes their way.
People will hurt and make you angry by being ungrateful and insulting
Though you may feel like reacting, do not let anger make you hate them. Show goodwill towards people – to both the good and the evil – despite their unfair criticisms or treatments. Don’t harbor hatred. God makes His sun to rise on both evil and good people and makes His rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45).
As much as possible try to
control your emotions. It will not be easy, but with prayer and faith in God,
you can do it.
Do not stop the good works that you are doing. Criticisms against you may be unfair. However, never withdraw the good services you are doing for the community.
Moses led the Children of
Israel out of Egypt. They were in bondage and cried for a deliverer. God sent
Moses to help them out. They were happy and hailed Moses as their hero. They
jubilated as they went out with Moses.
When everything was okay,
Moses was the hero everyone loved and praised. He was the greatest.
But as soon as they encountered
trouble, they quickly turned against Moses. They accused Moses and said he was
the cause of their plight. They said,
“Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?” (Exodus 14:11; ESV)
Moses who was the hero a
few days earlier was now a villain, a scoundrel, an evil person. He was now the
person to blame for their misfortunes.
They said to him,
“Is not this what we said to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” (Exodus 14:12; ESV)
Remember that no one
forced them to go out of Egypt with Moses. They all went out of their own
volition. Because they wanted to go out of bondage, they sang, jubilated as
they marched out of Egypt following Moses as their leader.
When everything is okay
with people, they will say nice things about you. The same people will call you
the devil when things go bad for them.
Arguing is a waste of precious time when dealing with angry people. Angry people are emotional, full of prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity. When people find themselves disadvantaged, they look for scapegoats to lay their blame and failures on them.
No matter how sincere you are, some people will always see you in a bad light. Some will always suspect your good intentions and will have something evil to say about your good deeds.
They blamed Moses and put all their problems on him. Moses had a genuine intention to help the people in their sufferings. He was not benefitting directly. After all, he was living comfortably with his wife and father-in-law, Jethro the priest of Midian, before he came back to Egypt to deliver them.
In such situations do not be eager to vindicate yourself by debating them.
Hold back your anger. Look
for points you both agree on and try to make them see that you seek their
welfare. Then encourage them to help you find the solutions to the problem.
See beyond their
ingratitude. Think of how you can help to correct the problem. Later, when the
problem is solved, you can help them know how ungrateful they had been to you.
When you are confronted by the ingratitude of people, only love can make you continue to help.
Your passion for what you are doing will urge you on when things look bleak and ingratitude stares you in the face.
Your personality is patterned according to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Proverbs 23:7 says
“…as a man thinks in his heart so is he…”
Jesus also said,
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. (Matthew 12:35; NKJV)
You may be crippled by
your problem; however, you will overcome if God is in you and His word and
healing power working in you. Problems are temporary. You will find the solutions
to them if you are focused.
Do not wait for someone (or good luck) to pull you out. No matter how little you perform or how slow you progress, work on and you will succeed.
David believed that the battle was for the Lord and that the Lord himself would fight for him.
However, David did not fold his hands and wait for God to fight. David took pebbles, a sling and went out to face Goliath. He used his feeble weapon against the mighty Goliath who wielded a mighty weapon. And he won (1 Samuel 17:45-51).
Go out with your sling and
pebbles, backed by your faith in God, and see God fight and win the battle for
you.
God told Moses to tell the
Children of Israel to march forward against their obstacle – the Red Sea – and away
from their enemies – the Egyptians.
Leaders must have confidence
that success is possible. Leaders must stand firm despite the challenges confronting
them. Moses encouraged the people not to be afraid.
13 “And Moses said to the people, ‘Do not be
afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will
accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see
again no more forever. 14 The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your
peace.’” (Exodus 14:13-14; NKJV)
Of course, God was going
to divide the sea, but he asked Moses to stretch his rod over it as a sign of
faith in God and in God’s Word.
Moses acted and God divided
the sea, making a way for them to cross over. (Exodus 14:15-23)
The Israelites walked on dry land and crossed over to the other side. But when the Egyptians followed, God again asked Moses to stretch his rod over the sea and close it over the Egyptians. The Egyptians were destroyed.
You cannot share useful information with people when they are angry and shouting at you.
Moses did not waste his time trying to argue with the people when they accused and blamed him for their many problems. Whenever they blamed him or accused him, Moses turned to God and prayed for courage and wisdom and moved on.
The emotional person does not use logic. If you try to use logic and facts to argue a point with someone who is already emotional, it will not work. When people are angry, they become emotional. The emotional person is not in the mood to listen. The emotional person wants to talk about his or her feelings and blame people.
We demonstrate what we believe. And so, people who look to circumstances and believe they cannot succeed remain poor and helpless.
If you sow thoughts of fear, sickness, enmity, etc., you shall reap the same in abundance. Therefore, those who sow thoughts of greatness, prosperity and good health reap the same in greater quantities.
Most of the Children of Israel believed they could not succeed. Moses, on the other hand, believed that they could succeed.
Stop complaining against
people who do not help you. Stop groaning about how life is difficult and
unfair. Life is difficult and unfair to many people. Complaining, whining and
groaning will not change your situation. Put your faith into action and believe
God to stand behind your faith.
Your present life may be bitter and frustrating. However, if you do not stop believing and working, tomorrow will be great.
The height of your success
will be determined by how high your aspiration is. In the same way, your lowest
level of inferiority is determined by how low you conceive yourself to be.
Think constructively. Think positively and act on what you think. If you do not act you will not achieve anything.
Remind yourself always of the good fortune that awaits you at the other side of your ‘Red Sea’. Stretch forth your hand and part your Red Sea.
If your hope is on a fellow human being, be it a rich friend or a brother, to help you, you might be disappointed. You may look for help from many places, but let your faith and hope reside in the Lord, and he will find the help you need. Psalm 75:6-7 says,
6 “For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. 7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.” (KJV)
Moses did not look up to
the people. The people saw only Moses. They did not see God in the picture.
That is why many people are followers. That is why only a few are leaders.
Leaders believe in themselves and look unto God for direction. They know they
will succeed.
Decide on what you want to be in a few years’ time from now. Moses looked beyond. His mind was to get over to the other side of the Red Sea. That sea was a hindrance, but he knew he could overcome it.
Every problem is
outmatched by the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit living in you. 1 John 4:4
says,
“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (NKJV)
Romans 8:31 assures us,
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (NKJV)
No problem can defeat you.
You are the master of your problems. Rise up and conquer your mountains.
Most people blame material circumstances as the source of their difficulties, trials, and failures. Most people blame their failures on a lack of financial resources. Though these are factors that make success difficult, they are not ultimate barriers.
Adverse conditions, environments, and circumstances should be challenges that should spur you to success. Climb over the obstacles. Use the obstacles as steppingstones.
Jesus said,
“For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.” (Mark 11:23; NKJV)
Match your prayer and
belief with works, because faith without works is dead. (James 1:22-25)
Do not waste your time in frivolities or other vain things. Think always about what your future should be like. And do not waste your time arguing and trying to prove you are right or good. Your deeds will eventually prove your integrity.
When you become a success
people will then recognize you and your worth. And then they will care about
the story you say about yourself. Because they will want to learn from your
success story.
Whatever you do, do it to attain the goal ahead. While the people accused Moses, Moses focused his mind on God. Rather than hitting back at them, he took the problem to God. Seek guidance and answers. Don’t stop to argue with complainers. Winston Churchill said,
“You will never reach your destination if you stop
and throw stones at every dog that barks.” (Unquote)
Initially, things would be
difficult. And it would not be easy to persevere. But with practice and
persistence, you will learn to persevere. And your perseverance will take you to
your success.
Persist in your spirit. Do not let any obstacle dampen your spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says,
“The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?” (NKJV)
Work persistently. Make
good plans and review or update them periodically.
Save a percentage of what you earn – do not touch your savings now. Discipline yourself and let your little savings grow into a huge investment capital tomorrow.
Do not let people dictate how you should live. Some people allow others to pull their strings. You can never live your life to its fullest by living according to other people’s definitions of success.
Your parents, your
friends, or politicians, cannot truly define your life to its fullest. They may
suggest some things, but the ultimate decision of what you want to be would be
defined by yourself. James Baldwin said,
“I was not born to be what someone said I was. I
was not born to be defined by someone else, but myself only.” (Unquote)
You must have the confidence that you will succeed. Your confidence will lead you and urge you on to success. Without confidence, you will not have the urge to continue when the tempest of failures assail you. Your passionate desire to achieve your goal will drive you on when challenges confront you.
Procrastination is said to
be the thief of time.
When you procrastinate you push your future further into the farthest future.
When you fail, do not
quit. Try again, and again, and again, till you succeed.
Let these words of Micah
be your mind,
“Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I
will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.” (Micah 7:8; NKJV)
Plan on how to tackle the problem. Give yourself time for the execution and the achievement of the plan of action. Work daily towards achieving the goal. Review your plans weekly or as often as you can. Make corrections or modifications, and where necessary make deletions. Be enthusiastic about your project.
However, if you do not see
any improvement after persistently failing many times, ask yourself whether you
need to review your plans or change them entirely. If by two or three years you
do not see any improvement, you may need to change your plans. That is why you
should have a three-year, five-year and ten-year plans. These periods should
see some marked improvements as you march towards your goal.
To become successful, you
must focus your mind and energy on the actions that will take you closer to the
goals you want to achieve. Don’t let the pain of temporary failure weaken your
determination.
We read in Proverbs 24:10,
“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” (NKJV)
Stand up and face your problems. Like Moses, be calm and face your ‘Red Sea’. With faith in God and full of self-confidence Moses parted the Red Sea.
If God’s Spirit is your partner, His knowledge and wisdom will guide you.
“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit
with Him.”
(1 Corinthians 6:17: NKJV)
The Spirit of God
indwelling you will enable you to overcome. Not by might, nor by power, but by
the spirit of God… (Zechariah 4:6).
After the Red Sea
incident, the people complained again any time they encountered trouble. They
complained against Moses and Aaron.
Even though it was
apparent that it was not Moses, but God, who was the provider, they complained
against Moses and Aaron and blamed the two for their problems.
People will blame you when
there is trouble even when it is not your fault.
At some point, they even became violent and ready to stone Moses. Ingratitude at its highest. They had forgotten so soon all that God did for them through this same Moses. In such a situation you might feel like giving up.
They did not consider that
Moses was facing the problems with them. All they thought of was their own
selfish interests.
Though he was not happy
with their attitude, Moses went to God any time they were confronted with
severe challenges. He did not blame anyone.
In your dealings with people, no matter how transparent you are, some will find fault with you. Some will accuse you. Some will hate you, and some will slight you. No matter how honest you are, some people will dislike you and will lie about you.
Moses continued to show
love and kindness despite the people’s ingratitude and hate towards him
In every community, there will be a mixed multitude. When the children of Israel left Egypt, we read in Exodus 12:38 that, a mixed multitude went up with them. They are fair-weather people. In Numbers 11:4-6 we read how they caused great commotion and great trouble among the Children of Israel.
4 “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept again and said: ‘Who will give us meat to eat? 5 We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6 but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (NKJV)
We will come across these kinds again in the New Testament. This time, the New Testament refers to them as “lewd fellows of the baser sort.”
“But the Jews which believed not, moved with envy, took unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city on an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring them out to the people.” (Acts 17:5; KJV)
The American Standard
Version refers to them as “vile fellows of the rabble,” the Amplified
Bible describes them as “wicked men (ruffians and rascals) and loungers in
the marketplace.”
The mixed multitude, the lewd fellows of the baser sort, will cause ‘earthquakes’ in your life. But you must stand firm when the earthquakes hit you.
Moses and Aaron lived lives of prosperity and victory because they did not pay back evil for evil. They planted good seeds of love, kindness, and goodwill. They, therefore, reaped goodness, love, prosperity and the best of health. Aaron lived 123 years (Numbers 33:39) and Moses 120 years (Deuteronomy 34:7).
Most often our responses to the evil done to us are to repay people according to the manner they treat us. However, Proverbs 24:29 says,
“Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’” (NKJV)
Use
your time profitably and let God avenge you. Romans 12:17-21 says not to avenge
ourselves. Focus on doing good and leave the rest to God. “Vengeance is mine”, says the Lord.
If all of us would live that way, there would be less or no violence in our communities, and our societies would be peaceful, healthy and full of happiness.
If we would all use our time and energy to nurture and practice peace, we would have tranquil communities rapidly progressing economically.
Do not let your emotions run you and control your actions. Manage your anger and aggressive feelings. Be a peacemaker always.
Sometimes, our rash responses inadvertently create or aggravate conflicts, and we ourselves suffer the consequences.
Some people cannot see how they are wrong. So, they fight back when you correct them.
The Bible says in Isaiah 52:7,
“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings of good things…” (NKJV)
Furthermore, we read in Matthew 5:9
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (NKJV)
Jesus says in Luke 6:31-33
31 “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 32 But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.” (NKJV)
Do not act when you are angry. You might do something terrible. You might hurt a person, an animal or destroy valuable properties.
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Retrain your emotions, renew and reframe your mind to adapt to any change…
You can retrain your emotions, renew and reframe your mind to adapt to changes and form new habits at any age.
The Brain Can Renew and Change
We can reprogram ourselves mentally to eat less, spend less, stop drinking alcohol, stop smoking, stop stealing, stop lying, stop hating, and stop all negative or evil things. I used to drink and smoke, but I stopped because I determined that I wanted to.
We can retrain our minds
We developed our behaviors out of repeated learning and experience. Some were practices that we intentionally performed and some we did by unconsciously imitating other people.
Confucius said, “The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential … these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” (Unquote)
Faith produces expectations and motivates us to pursue goals.
Research on neuroscience (and mental science in general) show that we can retrain our mind and replace our feelings and actions.
Ephesians 4:25-32 teaches that we change our wrong or bad actions by repeating and practicing correct actions. Medical science calls that retraining.The Bible calls that renewing the spirit of the mind.
According to mental science when we repeat a new action, new cell-to-cell connection pathways (known in medical language as synapses) take place in the brain. Whether the repetitions are done covertly in our mental imagery or overtly through actions, the brain recognizes them, and patterns of behaviors are created.
Ephesians 4:25-32 explains that we are renewing the spirit of the mind by replacing the old corrupt ways or actions with new good or correct ones as the new patterns of behaviors are created.
According to mental science we change old emotions with new ones when we replace them with new ones. This changes our mentality and eventually our attitudes.
We change our thoughts by reframing them, a process known as cognitive restructuring. When we do that we reframe or change the interpretation of our thoughts. By repeating that several times we establish new patterns of thoughts.
Romans 12:2 says we become new personalities by feeding our minds with new thoughts and actions. When we repeat them several times we eventually form new habits and characteristics.
Lao Tzu said, “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”(Unquote)
Emotions affect decisions
In our emotional state, such as anger, our decision-making is different than when we are calm. Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)
We can retrain ourselves not to react angrily and violently to emotional triggers.
The great men and women of history that you admire today were ordinary people like you. The only difference is that each had a vision, each had passion, each wanted to do something, and they pursued their aims. Their achievements made them become extraordinary people. They were ordinary like you and they pursued and achieved extraordinary laurels.
You, too, can do what they did. After all you, too, are ordinary like they were.
The monkey learns to jump by practice
Belief increases the firing capacity of the brain – sending messages to the mind and increasing the capacity to act. Faith convinces that you will be what you visualize for yourself to be. Faith makes us continue against challenges.
Someone said, “A river cuts through a rock, not because of its power but its persistence.” (Unquote)
The soft character is also strong. Water is soft, yet it can penetrate sand and earth and can bring down houses, trees, etc.
To retrain the mind and adopt new characteristics we must put off the old self and feed the mind with a new attitude; that is, put on a new self. (Ephesians 4:22-24)
Vince Lombardi said, “The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It’s your mind you have to convince.” (Unquote) Retrain your emotions … renew and reframe your mind.
Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 2
It is difficult to listen to angry opponents when you are angry. Therefore, calm down. Anger inflames tension.
When an angry person engages you in angry and heated debate, do not try to prove that you, too, can spew out acidic words. Instead, invite him or her to a peaceful dialogue.
You may become frustrated as you try to make your opponent listen to you and understand your point of view.
Control your emotions. Do not engage in fault-finding. Fault-finding ignites arguments and creates conflicts instead of solving issues. Your opponent can become adamant and resist your views if you engage in fault-finding.
Everybody believes he or she is right.
People can be emotionally shocked when they hear that they are wrong. That can provoke fierce, and even hysterical, resistance from fanatics or die-hard believers. And that can make them want to hurt their opponents by attacking the integrity of their opponents or say anything to pierce the emotions of their opponents.
Don’t respond in like manner. Always remain calm in the face of negative reactions.
Don’t let the hard words of your angry opponents disturb you.
You are human and you would be hurt by hard words. However, if you try ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose their venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.
Addressing the concerns or needs of the listener can help create favorable reactions.
Lead the listener gradually to the point where the listener can assimilate the truth.
Jesus listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.
The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her down and make her accept him and his views. (John 4:7-30)
Some Jews attempted to provoke Jesus by asking him a controversial question as to whether it was right for Jews to pay tax to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them it was appropriate to give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God (worship) to God. (Matthew 22:15-22)
If you make what you present pleasant, and not insulting, people will be comfortable listening to you. Don’t look down on them and don’t disregard their views even though you don’t agree with them. Get their attention to listen to you. As they are listening you can then help them to understand your point of view.
Help them think and reason through so they can make the right conclusions. Ask questions that will make them think.
Analyze what they are saying. It will help you to know how right or how wrong they are.
We read in Proverbs 17:28,
“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)
Don’t be sarcastic with your responses.
Stop argument before it develops into a quarrel.
Stop contending with people when you realize that they are not listening to you and will not give you the chance to explain your side of the matter.
The more you contend with a person who disagrees with you, the more that person rages and fumes.
Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry, does not seem to be a wise suggestion. Yet it is the right advice.
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … Harper Lee
Religious people, politicians – everybody – should learn to listen to opposing views. We must learn to listen to the other person in our angry moments.
Students shoot and kill when they can’t have their way. In anger, they vent their frustrations on innocent people.
Religious militants attack and kill people who express different views. They angrily and violently defend their beliefs but will not allow others to express theirs. Their anger makes it difficult for them to tolerate divergent opinions.
We live daily in fear of angry suicide bombers who strike at random.
Some people can’t listen to opposing views yet want others to listen to theirs.
Listening helps solve problems. When we listen, we hear what our opponents say.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand… Stephen R. Covey
We must not listen only to rebut. Sincere listening helps us understand our opponent’s problems and views. We must listen to know the problem, so we can respond appropriately.
Some people hate to listen when their opponents tell them they are wrong. When their opponents suggest different options, they find it difficult to listen.
Ego also prevents us from listening.
A man noticed a police officer trying hard to make some local people obey him. He observed that they did not understand the English language that the police officer spoke. So he suggested that the officer could make them understand if he spoke in a language they understood.
The police officer asked the gentleman angrily, “Are you the one to teach me how to do my work?”The suggestion offended the police officer’s ego. Yet he was not making headway by his approach.
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry
The gentleman tried to explain but the police officer got angrier. He and his colleagues assaulted the gentleman, resulting in the man sustaining injuries.
The man was trying to help. But their inflated and conceited ego made it difficult for them to appreciate the man’s good intentions and views.
When we are arguing we are more interested in what we say than what others say. So we become impatient and can’t wait for them to finish expressing or elaborating on their views. And we interrupt with our prejudices.
We may interpret our opponents’ contrary views to be personal attacks on us.
Listening to another person’s point of view does not necessarily mean you agree with him or her.
When you listen to people you get to know how they think and why they behave the way they do. And that contributes to solving the problem. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.
Religious militants believe they are always right. They insist they are right even when evidence or proof is provided to suggest otherwise. They can’t acknowledge that others, too, could be right.
Angel Cataluna says,
“To handle an objection you must first listen to the other person, and make sure they know you are listening.” (Angel A. Cataluna,Basic Influencing and Persuasion.)
If your opponent knows that you are open to listen to what he or she says, he or she, too, will listen to you. You can disagree with each other, and yet have a healthy dialogue.
We learn by listening and observing. And as Cataluna said, we must make sure they know we are listening. That encourages them to also want to listen to us. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.
Controlling anger is difficult, but with commitment you will be able to do it.
Controlling anger requires effort and determination.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty
Controlling emotional anger should be a deliberate act
Transformation will occur if you feed your mind with patience, tolerance, and love. These qualities will transform your personality from the angry and aggressive to the peaceful and friendly.
How do you transform your aggressive and angry behavior?
Transformation will start with the controlling of your emotions. The inner mind begins the transformation process using what you feed it. Moreover, your personality will begin to reflect the new pattern that your mind is shaping with the new data.
Counter negative and hostile thoughts with positive, calm and friendly thoughts. Your mind will always respond to what you feed it. And tolerance will help you listen to other people’s views even if you disagree with them.
William Arthur Ward said,
“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”
We read in Ephesians 4:22-24 how we can reframe the mind. We can renew our mind by feeding it with new positive thoughts. Furthermore, the brain will adapt to the new suggestions we feed it. As we continue to feed the mind with the new thoughts, and continue to act on them, we develop a pattern of new thoughts and responses.
The new thoughts and behaviors become ingrained in the mind, eventually becoming new habits, and transforming us into new personalities, (Romans 12:2).
Controlling anger in an assertive way should be non-aggressive. We must not use the frontal attack, no matter how much we disagree with people. Moreover, we must not be quick to become angry.
“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools,” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).
We must practice doing the right thing until it becomes part of our thinking and acting processes.
Leo Tolstoy said,
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
You must, therefore, learn not to respond in anger when you disagree with people. Don’t let your emotions explode in anger when you disagree with people.
Brian Tracy remarked that,
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
Be slow to anger and take your time to listen to the other person.
Controlling emotional anger is difficult and frustrating. Also, uncontrolled anger can be scary and destructive.
Anger is a powerful emotion and is very difficult to control.
We use anger to check people who do us wrong. Moreover, we may use anger as a violent weapon against people we hate.
We must learn to be angry without being violent.
Some of us struggle to control emotional anger when people do not listen to us. Religious militants, for instance, use violence to compel people to listen. They proclaim that their deity is peaceful, loving and merciful. And yet they use violence to compel people to worship their deity.
It is possible to control emotional anger
Human beings have the capacity to do what they want without using violence. We can articulate our beliefs or opinions without using anger or violence. So, controlling our emotional anger is possible.
Changing angry and violent habits can be difficult.
Some people know they have angry and violent habits and want to change. However, they feel handicapped and think they cannot change.
Changing angry and violent habits is possible!
You were not born with angry and violent habits. You unconsciously trained your mind to respond angrily to what you did not like. And eventually, you ended up patterning your mind with violent thoughts and reactions. And as you grew up, you learned to live as a violent and angry person who gets angry easily.
Repeating angry and violent actions eventually make them happen automatically or almost automatically. Some of our behaviors act as instincts and others as habits. That is how you became a violent and angry person.
Our genetic materials in our chromosomes, too, contribute to habit formation. However, our interactions with the environment can also influence our habit formations. That is why in a family noted to be peaceful and non-aggressive, a member may turn out to be angry and violent.
The trait in that odd fellow might be from interactions with the environment. That odd person might have adapted to what seemed to be normal characteristics or traits of the society or environment.
For instance, some religious or ethnic groups exhibit extreme anger and violence, which can affect the behavior of someone growing up in that community or society. His or her character could mold to accept the anger and violence in that environment. That person would grow up living the angry and violent life and seeing that as normal behavior.
Do you want to change your angry and violent habits?
You must first have a strong desire to change your angry and violent habits. And you can make the change by replacing your angry and violent habits with peaceful and non-violent attitude.
In the same way, you nurtured anger and violence to become habits, through repetition, you can replace your old habits with new ones.
Commitment is necessary. Your angry and violent habits took years to form, and so you will need time to erase them by replacing them with the good or positive ones you are forming.
