Winning without being violent and conquering by love and patience makes the world peaceful.
We can win without being violent. We can conquer by love and patience without hating. We do not have to win by violence.
Proverbs 25:15 says, “By long forbearance, a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.”
Using persuasion takes time. Therefore, violent and impatient people do not want to take that route. Impatient people want immediate results.
Persuasion wins without the ugly consequences associated with violence. It avoids deaths, injuries, and destruction of properties associated with violence.
Jesus taught us to love, to tolerate, and to forgive.
We can’t use hate to make people like us. The more we hate, the more people dislike us and eventually hate us. We convert even our hostile enemies into loving people when they become our friends.
Win without being violent. Conquering by love and patience without hate makes our world peaceful. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.”
Jesus met a Samaritan woman by a well (John4:5-43). The woman was antagonistic and sarcastic.
The situation between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time was almost at the boiling point of hatred. The Samaritan woman saw hate, anger, and vengeance, and so focused on hate, anger, and vengeance. But Jesus ignored her antagonistic stance and took a peaceful approach. Jesus felt the time had come for hate to end. It was time to banish hate by sowing seeds of love. Jesus, therefore, reached out to her with love.
Initially, the Samaritan woman was antagonistic in her response. She reminded Jesus that the situation between the Jews and the Samaritans was hate and anger.
Jesus continued to engage her with love, striving to turn her into a friend. Eventually, Jesus won her confidence and friendship.
We live in an age of hate and violence. People nurture hate and instill anger and hate into their offspring. They train their children to grow up hating people who disagree with them.
Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan to teach us how we should love and help people. (Luke 10:25-37).
We may disagree with what others like or say. Nevertheless, we should allow them to express their views. We should not be angry when people disagree with our views.
It is right to be unhappy about negative things people say about us or do. However, we should control our emotions not to respond physically and violently. Violent reactions indirectly and wrongly provide proof for the perception that we are angry and violent.
Love conquers
Love Conquers
Some people express their feelings through anger and violence. Jesus, however, taught us not to return violence for violence.
In many parts of Africa, communities in rural areas have suffered economic depravity because of conflicts. Economic progress eludes these communities because investors are afraid to invest in such communities. Even indigenes of the communities prefer to invest in other communities rather than in their own.
Terrorists use violence to coerce people.
On September 21, 2013, a group of armed terrorists, the al-Qaeda-linked al-Shabaab, forcefully entered the Westgate Mall in Nairobi’s Parklands area and unleashed senseless violence upon customers and workers.
The al-Shabaab’s quarrel was with the government of Kenya, not with the ordinary people or the shoppers. Yet they unleashed their anger on innocent people who had no part in their quarrel. They thought their actions could coerce the Kenyan Government to kowtow to their demands.
The Westgate Mall massacre, by 2 pm September 22, claimed the lives of 67 people and wounded at least 175. One thousand people were rescued.
What happened in Kenya on September 21, 2013, was similar to what happened in the US on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, when a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks were launched by the Islamic terrorist group, al-Qaeda, upon the United States in New York City, and Washington, D.C. metropolitan area.
Terrorists pick on helpless people while those they have disputes with are untouched. Yet terrorists do not consider that.
Suicide bombers express their grievances by killing innocent and helpless people.
Religious militants attack and kill helpless people to get the attention of governments.
But their actions make people hate them. People do not sympathize with those who hurt them.
Conquer by persuading or by convincing people. Do not use force.
A German proverb says, “Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.” A similar one, “Patience is bitter, but it bears sweet fruit,” has been quoted by some as of Turkish origin, while others have attributed it to Aristotle, or to Jean Jacques Rousseau.
Jesus Christ taught Christians to express their views or beliefs by love. He told Christians, “Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.”
Jesus used persuasion to win people’s love. He spoke to their conscience. In the face of provocations, Jesus always remained calm and discussed issues so convincingly that his opponents could not ignore them.
A woman was accused of committing adultery and brought before Jesus. The accusers reminded Jesus that the Law of Moses demanded that anyone who committed adultery must be stoned to death.
Jesus did not engage them in a lengthy argument. He did not try to talk to them to forgive the woman. Jesus said, “Anyone among you who has never committed any sin should throw the first stone.”
They all walked away without hurting the woman. Jesus turned to the woman and told her that he, too, was not going to condemn her. However, he advised her to go and sin no more. Though Jesus did not condone what she did and did not condemn her, he told her not to repeat the sin.
Do not allow your emotions to blind your reasoning. With patience, you can use persuasion to make people understand your point and accept your suggestions or views. Persuasion does not force people. If you use persuasion properly, people will not realize you are actually making them do what you want.
You may use force to get what you want. But you would live with the fear that your opponents may hurt you for revenge. You may conquer your opponents by using force and make them serve you. But that will not make them love you.
Violence breeds violence and reprisals. And that can continue without end.
Agree to sit at the negotiating table with your opponent to discuss an amicable end to the conflict or disagreement.
Anger is a difficult emotion to control. Angry people may think they are right when they are actually wrong. Anger overshadows their reasoning.
Many people are egoistic and care only about themselves. Anger, hate, and unforgiveness are always on their minds. They will hurt people and do anything to achieve their aims. They are unforgiving, insulting, sarcastic, and violent. They love hurting people with their words.
We read in Proverbs 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” (NKJV)
Our emotions can affect how we process our decisions. Anger can make us make wrong decisions.
In Ephesians 4:22-29, we learn that we should renew the spirit of the mind by putting on the new personality. We must shun anger and all evil practices by living and practicing good deeds.
Uncontrolled anger inspires an aggressive response. When we are angry, what comes first to mind is to fight or attack.
Express your anger assertively without being aggressive. Don’t attack people if you are not happy with what they say. Calmly explain to people how they are not treating you fairly.
We must always remember to control our internal responses to be calm.
Practicing makes action perfect
If you feed your mind with new thoughts and act on them, they will eventually become patterns of behavior. Your new mentality directs you to do things differently.
We, therefore, have the capacity to change. Our habits are the routines of behaviors we repeated regularly until they became embedded in our subconscious mind.
The first step to take to stop being angry is to delay reacting in anger. Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”
Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)
Our attitudes define our happiness.
We are the architects of the peace in our communities.
Dealing with personal attacks, overcoming adversities and winning without being violent, are some challenges many people struggle with daily.
It can be depressing when people blame you for mistakes you have not committed. It pains when you are accused of something you did not do. Some people scold and blame others for the troubles they encounter. They always justify their own mistakes but will blame others for any trouble that comes their way.
People will hurt and make you angry by being ungrateful and insulting
Though you may feel like reacting, do not let anger make you hate them. Show goodwill towards people – to both the good and the evil – despite their unfair criticisms or treatments. Don’t harbor hatred. God makes His sun to rise on both evil and good people and makes His rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45).
As much as possible try to
control your emotions. It will not be easy, but with prayer and faith in God,
you can do it.
Do not stop the good works that you are doing. Criticisms against you may be unfair. However, never withdraw the good services you are doing for the community.
Moses led the Children of
Israel out of Egypt. They were in bondage and cried for a deliverer. God sent
Moses to help them out. They were happy and hailed Moses as their hero. They
jubilated as they went out with Moses.
When everything was okay,
Moses was the hero everyone loved and praised. He was the greatest.
But as soon as they encountered
trouble, they quickly turned against Moses. They accused Moses and said he was
the cause of their plight. They said,
“Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?” (Exodus 14:11; ESV)
Moses who was the hero a
few days earlier was now a villain, a scoundrel, an evil person. He was now the
person to blame for their misfortunes.
They said to him,
“Is not this what we said to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” (Exodus 14:12; ESV)
Remember that no one
forced them to go out of Egypt with Moses. They all went out of their own
volition. Because they wanted to go out of bondage, they sang, jubilated as
they marched out of Egypt following Moses as their leader.
When everything is okay
with people, they will say nice things about you. The same people will call you
the devil when things go bad for them.
Arguing is a waste of precious time when dealing with angry people. Angry people are emotional, full of prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity. When people find themselves disadvantaged, they look for scapegoats to lay their blame and failures on them.
No matter how sincere you are, some people will always see you in a bad light. Some will always suspect your good intentions and will have something evil to say about your good deeds.
They blamed Moses and put all their problems on him. Moses had a genuine intention to help the people in their sufferings. He was not benefitting directly. After all, he was living comfortably with his wife and father-in-law, Jethro the priest of Midian, before he came back to Egypt to deliver them.
In such situations do not be eager to vindicate yourself by debating them.
Hold back your anger. Look
for points you both agree on and try to make them see that you seek their
welfare. Then encourage them to help you find the solutions to the problem.
See beyond their
ingratitude. Think of how you can help to correct the problem. Later, when the
problem is solved, you can help them know how ungrateful they had been to you.
When you are confronted by the ingratitude of people, only love can make you continue to help.
Your passion for what you are doing will urge you on when things look bleak and ingratitude stares you in the face.
Your personality is patterned according to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Proverbs 23:7 says
“…as a man thinks in his heart so is he…”
Jesus also said,
“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. (Matthew 12:35; NKJV)
You may be crippled by
your problem; however, you will overcome if God is in you and His word and
healing power working in you. Problems are temporary. You will find the solutions
to them if you are focused.
Do not wait for someone (or good luck) to pull you out. No matter how little you perform or how slow you progress, work on and you will succeed.
David believed that the battle was for the Lord and that the Lord himself would fight for him.
However, David did not fold his hands and wait for God to fight. David took pebbles, a sling and went out to face Goliath. He used his feeble weapon against the mighty Goliath who wielded a mighty weapon. And he won (1 Samuel 17:45-51).
Go out with your sling and
pebbles, backed by your faith in God, and see God fight and win the battle for
you.
God told Moses to tell the
Children of Israel to march forward against their obstacle – the Red Sea – and away
from their enemies – the Egyptians.
Leaders must have confidence
that success is possible. Leaders must stand firm despite the challenges confronting
them. Moses encouraged the people not to be afraid.
13 “And Moses said to the people, ‘Do not be
afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will
accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see
again no more forever. 14 The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your
peace.’” (Exodus 14:13-14; NKJV)
Of course, God was going
to divide the sea, but he asked Moses to stretch his rod over it as a sign of
faith in God and in God’s Word.
Moses acted and God divided
the sea, making a way for them to cross over. (Exodus 14:15-23)
The Israelites walked on dry land and crossed over to the other side. But when the Egyptians followed, God again asked Moses to stretch his rod over the sea and close it over the Egyptians. The Egyptians were destroyed.
You cannot share useful information with people when they are angry and shouting at you.
Moses did not waste his time trying to argue with the people when they accused and blamed him for their many problems. Whenever they blamed him or accused him, Moses turned to God and prayed for courage and wisdom and moved on.
The emotional person does not use logic. If you try to use logic and facts to argue a point with someone who is already emotional, it will not work. When people are angry, they become emotional. The emotional person is not in the mood to listen. The emotional person wants to talk about his or her feelings and blame people.
We demonstrate what we believe. And so, people who look to circumstances and believe they cannot succeed remain poor and helpless.
If you sow thoughts of fear, sickness, enmity, etc., you shall reap the same in abundance. Therefore, those who sow thoughts of greatness, prosperity and good health reap the same in greater quantities.
Most of the Children of Israel believed they could not succeed. Moses, on the other hand, believed that they could succeed.
Stop complaining against
people who do not help you. Stop groaning about how life is difficult and
unfair. Life is difficult and unfair to many people. Complaining, whining and
groaning will not change your situation. Put your faith into action and believe
God to stand behind your faith.
Your present life may be bitter and frustrating. However, if you do not stop believing and working, tomorrow will be great.
The height of your success
will be determined by how high your aspiration is. In the same way, your lowest
level of inferiority is determined by how low you conceive yourself to be.
Think constructively. Think positively and act on what you think. If you do not act you will not achieve anything.
Remind yourself always of the good fortune that awaits you at the other side of your ‘Red Sea’. Stretch forth your hand and part your Red Sea.
If your hope is on a fellow human being, be it a rich friend or a brother, to help you, you might be disappointed. You may look for help from many places, but let your faith and hope reside in the Lord, and he will find the help you need. Psalm 75:6-7 says,
6 “For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. 7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.” (KJV)
Moses did not look up to
the people. The people saw only Moses. They did not see God in the picture.
That is why many people are followers. That is why only a few are leaders.
Leaders believe in themselves and look unto God for direction. They know they
will succeed.
Decide on what you want to be in a few years’ time from now. Moses looked beyond. His mind was to get over to the other side of the Red Sea. That sea was a hindrance, but he knew he could overcome it.
Every problem is
outmatched by the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit living in you. 1 John 4:4
says,
“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (NKJV)
Romans 8:31 assures us,
“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (NKJV)
No problem can defeat you.
You are the master of your problems. Rise up and conquer your mountains.
Most people blame material circumstances as the source of their difficulties, trials, and failures. Most people blame their failures on a lack of financial resources. Though these are factors that make success difficult, they are not ultimate barriers.
Adverse conditions, environments, and circumstances should be challenges that should spur you to success. Climb over the obstacles. Use the obstacles as steppingstones.
Jesus said,
“For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.” (Mark 11:23; NKJV)
Match your prayer and
belief with works, because faith without works is dead. (James 1:22-25)
Do not waste your time in frivolities or other vain things. Think always about what your future should be like. And do not waste your time arguing and trying to prove you are right or good. Your deeds will eventually prove your integrity.
When you become a success
people will then recognize you and your worth. And then they will care about
the story you say about yourself. Because they will want to learn from your
success story.
Whatever you do, do it to attain the goal ahead. While the people accused Moses, Moses focused his mind on God. Rather than hitting back at them, he took the problem to God. Seek guidance and answers. Don’t stop to argue with complainers. Winston Churchill said,
“You will never reach your destination if you stop
and throw stones at every dog that barks.” (Unquote)
Initially, things would be
difficult. And it would not be easy to persevere. But with practice and
persistence, you will learn to persevere. And your perseverance will take you to
your success.
Persist in your spirit. Do not let any obstacle dampen your spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says,
“The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?” (NKJV)
Work persistently. Make
good plans and review or update them periodically.
Save a percentage of what you earn – do not touch your savings now. Discipline yourself and let your little savings grow into a huge investment capital tomorrow.
Do not let people dictate how you should live. Some people allow others to pull their strings. You can never live your life to its fullest by living according to other people’s definitions of success.
Your parents, your
friends, or politicians, cannot truly define your life to its fullest. They may
suggest some things, but the ultimate decision of what you want to be would be
defined by yourself. James Baldwin said,
“I was not born to be what someone said I was. I
was not born to be defined by someone else, but myself only.” (Unquote)
You must have the confidence that you will succeed. Your confidence will lead you and urge you on to success. Without confidence, you will not have the urge to continue when the tempest of failures assail you. Your passionate desire to achieve your goal will drive you on when challenges confront you.
Procrastination is said to
be the thief of time.
When you procrastinate you push your future further into the farthest future.
When you fail, do not
quit. Try again, and again, and again, till you succeed.
Let these words of Micah
be your mind,
“Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I
will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.” (Micah 7:8; NKJV)
Plan on how to tackle the problem. Give yourself time for the execution and the achievement of the plan of action. Work daily towards achieving the goal. Review your plans weekly or as often as you can. Make corrections or modifications, and where necessary make deletions. Be enthusiastic about your project.
However, if you do not see
any improvement after persistently failing many times, ask yourself whether you
need to review your plans or change them entirely. If by two or three years you
do not see any improvement, you may need to change your plans. That is why you
should have a three-year, five-year and ten-year plans. These periods should
see some marked improvements as you march towards your goal.
To become successful, you
must focus your mind and energy on the actions that will take you closer to the
goals you want to achieve. Don’t let the pain of temporary failure weaken your
determination.
We read in Proverbs 24:10,
“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” (NKJV)
Stand up and face your problems. Like Moses, be calm and face your ‘Red Sea’. With faith in God and full of self-confidence Moses parted the Red Sea.
If God’s Spirit is your partner, His knowledge and wisdom will guide you.
“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit
with Him.”
(1 Corinthians 6:17: NKJV)
The Spirit of God
indwelling you will enable you to overcome. Not by might, nor by power, but by
the spirit of God… (Zechariah 4:6).
After the Red Sea
incident, the people complained again any time they encountered trouble. They
complained against Moses and Aaron.
Even though it was
apparent that it was not Moses, but God, who was the provider, they complained
against Moses and Aaron and blamed the two for their problems.
People will blame you when
there is trouble even when it is not your fault.
At some point, they even became violent and ready to stone Moses. Ingratitude at its highest. They had forgotten so soon all that God did for them through this same Moses. In such a situation you might feel like giving up.
They did not consider that
Moses was facing the problems with them. All they thought of was their own
selfish interests.
Though he was not happy
with their attitude, Moses went to God any time they were confronted with
severe challenges. He did not blame anyone.
In your dealings with people, no matter how transparent you are, some will find fault with you. Some will accuse you. Some will hate you, and some will slight you. No matter how honest you are, some people will dislike you and will lie about you.
Moses continued to show
love and kindness despite the people’s ingratitude and hate towards him
In every community, there will be a mixed multitude. When the children of Israel left Egypt, we read in Exodus 12:38 that, a mixed multitude went up with them. They are fair-weather people. In Numbers 11:4-6 we read how they caused great commotion and great trouble among the Children of Israel.
4 “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept again and said: ‘Who will give us meat to eat? 5 We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6 but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (NKJV)
We will come across these kinds again in the New Testament. This time, the New Testament refers to them as “lewd fellows of the baser sort.”
“But the Jews which believed not, moved with envy, took unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city on an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring them out to the people.” (Acts 17:5; KJV)
The American Standard
Version refers to them as “vile fellows of the rabble,” the Amplified
Bible describes them as “wicked men (ruffians and rascals) and loungers in
the marketplace.”
The mixed multitude, the lewd fellows of the baser sort, will cause ‘earthquakes’ in your life. But you must stand firm when the earthquakes hit you.
Moses and Aaron lived lives of prosperity and victory because they did not pay back evil for evil. They planted good seeds of love, kindness, and goodwill. They, therefore, reaped goodness, love, prosperity and the best of health. Aaron lived 123 years (Numbers 33:39) and Moses 120 years (Deuteronomy 34:7).
Most often our responses to the evil done to us are to repay people according to the manner they treat us. However, Proverbs 24:29 says,
“Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’” (NKJV)
Use
your time profitably and let God avenge you. Romans 12:17-21 says not to avenge
ourselves. Focus on doing good and leave the rest to God. “Vengeance is mine”, says the Lord.
If all of us would live that way, there would be less or no violence in our communities, and our societies would be peaceful, healthy and full of happiness.
If we would all use our time and energy to nurture and practice peace, we would have tranquil communities rapidly progressing economically.
Do not let your emotions run you and control your actions. Manage your anger and aggressive feelings. Be a peacemaker always.
Sometimes, our rash responses inadvertently create or aggravate conflicts, and we ourselves suffer the consequences.
Some people cannot see how they are wrong. So, they fight back when you correct them.
The Bible says in Isaiah 52:7,
“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings of good things…” (NKJV)
Furthermore, we read in Matthew 5:9
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (NKJV)
Jesus says in Luke 6:31-33
31 “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 32 But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.” (NKJV)
Do not act when you are angry. You might do something terrible. You might hurt a person, an animal or destroy valuable properties.
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Retrain your emotions, renew and reframe your mind to adapt to any change…
You can retrain your emotions, renew and reframe your mind to adapt to changes and form new habits at any age.
The Brain Can Renew and Change
We can reprogram ourselves mentally to eat less, spend less, stop drinking alcohol, stop smoking, stop stealing, stop lying, stop hating, and stop all negative or evil things. I used to drink and smoke, but I stopped because I determined that I wanted to.
We can retrain our minds
We developed our behaviors out of repeated learning and experience. Some were practices that we intentionally performed and some we did by unconsciously imitating other people.
Confucius said, “The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential … these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” (Unquote)
Faith produces expectations and motivates us to pursue goals.
Research on neuroscience (and mental science in general) show that we can retrain our mind and replace our feelings and actions.
Ephesians 4:25-32 teaches that we change our wrong or bad actions by repeating and practicing correct actions. Medical science calls that retraining.The Bible calls that renewing the spirit of the mind.
According to mental science when we repeat a new action, new cell-to-cell connection pathways (known in medical language as synapses) take place in the brain. Whether the repetitions are done covertly in our mental imagery or overtly through actions, the brain recognizes them, and patterns of behaviors are created.
Ephesians 4:25-32 explains that we are renewing the spirit of the mind by replacing the old corrupt ways or actions with new good or correct ones as the new patterns of behaviors are created.
According to mental science we change old emotions with new ones when we replace them with new ones. This changes our mentality and eventually our attitudes.
We change our thoughts by reframing them, a process known as cognitive restructuring. When we do that we reframe or change the interpretation of our thoughts. By repeating that several times we establish new patterns of thoughts.
Romans 12:2 says we become new personalities by feeding our minds with new thoughts and actions. When we repeat them several times we eventually form new habits and characteristics.
Lao Tzu said, “If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.”(Unquote)
Emotions affect decisions
In our emotional state, such as anger, our decision-making is different than when we are calm. Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)
We can retrain ourselves not to react angrily and violently to emotional triggers.
The great men and women of history that you admire today were ordinary people like you. The only difference is that each had a vision, each had passion, each wanted to do something, and they pursued their aims. Their achievements made them become extraordinary people. They were ordinary like you and they pursued and achieved extraordinary laurels.
You, too, can do what they did. After all you, too, are ordinary like they were.
The monkey learns to jump by practice
Belief increases the firing capacity of the brain – sending messages to the mind and increasing the capacity to act. Faith convinces that you will be what you visualize for yourself to be. Faith makes us continue against challenges.
Someone said, “A river cuts through a rock, not because of its power but its persistence.” (Unquote)
The soft character is also strong. Water is soft, yet it can penetrate sand and earth and can bring down houses, trees, etc.
To retrain the mind and adopt new characteristics we must put off the old self and feed the mind with a new attitude; that is, put on a new self. (Ephesians 4:22-24)
Vince Lombardi said, “The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It’s your mind you have to convince.” (Unquote) Retrain your emotions … renew and reframe your mind.
Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 2
It is difficult to listen to angry opponents when you are angry. Therefore, calm down. Anger inflames tension.
When an angry person engages you in angry and heated debate, do not try to prove that you, too, can spew out acidic words. Instead, invite him or her to a peaceful dialogue.
You may become frustrated as you try to make your opponent listen to you and understand your point of view.
Control your emotions. Do not engage in fault-finding. Fault-finding ignites arguments and creates conflicts instead of solving issues. Your opponent can become adamant and resist your views if you engage in fault-finding.
Everybody believes he or she is right.
People can be emotionally shocked when they hear that they are wrong. That can provoke fierce, and even hysterical, resistance from fanatics or die-hard believers. And that can make them want to hurt their opponents by attacking the integrity of their opponents or say anything to pierce the emotions of their opponents.
Don’t respond in like manner. Always remain calm in the face of negative reactions.
Don’t let the hard words of your angry opponents disturb you.
You are human and you would be hurt by hard words. However, if you try ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose their venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.
Addressing the concerns or needs of the listener can help create favorable reactions.
Lead the listener gradually to the point where the listener can assimilate the truth.
Jesus listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.
The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her down and make her accept him and his views. (John 4:7-30)
Some Jews attempted to provoke Jesus by asking him a controversial question as to whether it was right for Jews to pay tax to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them it was appropriate to give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God (worship) to God. (Matthew 22:15-22)
If you make what you present pleasant, and not insulting, people will be comfortable listening to you. Don’t look down on them and don’t disregard their views even though you don’t agree with them. Get their attention to listen to you. As they are listening you can then help them to understand your point of view.
Help them think and reason through so they can make the right conclusions. Ask questions that will make them think.
Analyze what they are saying. It will help you to know how right or how wrong they are.
We read in Proverbs 17:28,
“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)
Don’t be sarcastic with your responses.
Stop argument before it develops into a quarrel.
Stop contending with people when you realize that they are not listening to you and will not give you the chance to explain your side of the matter.
The more you contend with a person who disagrees with you, the more that person rages and fumes.
Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry, does not seem to be a wise suggestion. Yet it is the right advice.
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … Harper Lee
Religious people, politicians – everybody – should learn to listen to opposing views. We must learn to listen to the other person in our angry moments.
Students shoot and kill when they can’t have their way. In anger, they vent their frustrations on innocent people.
Religious militants attack and kill people who express different views. They angrily and violently defend their beliefs but will not allow others to express theirs. Their anger makes it difficult for them to tolerate divergent opinions.
We live daily in fear of angry suicide bombers who strike at random.
Some people can’t listen to opposing views yet want others to listen to theirs.
Listening helps solve problems. When we listen, we hear what our opponents say.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand… Stephen R. Covey
We must not listen only to rebut. Sincere listening helps us understand our opponent’s problems and views. We must listen to know the problem, so we can respond appropriately.
Some people hate to listen when their opponents tell them they are wrong. When their opponents suggest different options, they find it difficult to listen.
Ego also prevents us from listening.
A man noticed a police officer trying hard to make some local people obey him. He observed that they did not understand the English language that the police officer spoke. So he suggested that the officer could make them understand if he spoke in a language they understood.
The police officer asked the gentleman angrily, “Are you the one to teach me how to do my work?”The suggestion offended the police officer’s ego. Yet he was not making headway by his approach.
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry
The gentleman tried to explain but the police officer got angrier. He and his colleagues assaulted the gentleman, resulting in the man sustaining injuries.
The man was trying to help. But their inflated and conceited ego made it difficult for them to appreciate the man’s good intentions and views.
When we are arguing we are more interested in what we say than what others say. So we become impatient and can’t wait for them to finish expressing or elaborating on their views. And we interrupt with our prejudices.
We may interpret our opponents’ contrary views to be personal attacks on us.
Listening to another person’s point of view does not necessarily mean you agree with him or her.
When you listen to people you get to know how they think and why they behave the way they do. And that contributes to solving the problem. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.
Religious militants believe they are always right. They insist they are right even when evidence or proof is provided to suggest otherwise. They can’t acknowledge that others, too, could be right.
Angel Cataluna says,
“To handle an objection you must first listen to the other person, and make sure they know you are listening.” (Angel A. Cataluna,Basic Influencing and Persuasion.)
If your opponent knows that you are open to listen to what he or she says, he or she, too, will listen to you. You can disagree with each other, and yet have a healthy dialogue.
We learn by listening and observing. And as Cataluna said, we must make sure they know we are listening. That encourages them to also want to listen to us. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.
Controlling anger is difficult, but with commitment you will be able to do it.
Controlling anger requires effort and determination.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty
Controlling emotional anger should be a deliberate act
Transformation will occur if you feed your mind with patience, tolerance, and love. These qualities will transform your personality from the angry and aggressive to the peaceful and friendly.
How do you transform your aggressive and angry behavior?
Transformation will start with the controlling of your emotions. The inner mind begins the transformation process using what you feed it. Moreover, your personality will begin to reflect the new pattern that your mind is shaping with the new data.
Counter negative and hostile thoughts with positive, calm and friendly thoughts. Your mind will always respond to what you feed it. And tolerance will help you listen to other people’s views even if you disagree with them.
William Arthur Ward said,
“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”
We read in Ephesians 4:22-24 how we can reframe the mind. We can renew our mind by feeding it with new positive thoughts. Furthermore, the brain will adapt to the new suggestions we feed it. As we continue to feed the mind with the new thoughts, and continue to act on them, we develop a pattern of new thoughts and responses.
The new thoughts and behaviors become ingrained in the mind, eventually becoming new habits, and transforming us into new personalities, (Romans 12:2).
Controlling anger in an assertive way should be non-aggressive. We must not use the frontal attack, no matter how much we disagree with people. Moreover, we must not be quick to become angry.
“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools,” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).
We must practice doing the right thing until it becomes part of our thinking and acting processes.
Leo Tolstoy said,
“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”
You must, therefore, learn not to respond in anger when you disagree with people. Don’t let your emotions explode in anger when you disagree with people.
Brian Tracy remarked that,
“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”
Be slow to anger and take your time to listen to the other person.
Controlling emotional anger is difficult and frustrating. Also, uncontrolled anger can be scary and destructive.
Anger is a powerful emotion and is very difficult to control.
We use anger to check people who do us wrong. Moreover, we may use anger as a violent weapon against people we hate.
We must learn to be angry without being violent.
Some of us struggle to control emotional anger when people do not listen to us. Religious militants, for instance, use violence to compel people to listen. They proclaim that their deity is peaceful, loving and merciful. And yet they use violence to compel people to worship their deity.
It is possible to control emotional anger
Human beings have the capacity to do what they want without using violence. We can articulate our beliefs or opinions without using anger or violence. So, controlling our emotional anger is possible.
Changing angry and violent habits can be difficult.
Some people know they have angry and violent habits and want to change. However, they feel handicapped and think they cannot change.
Changing angry and violent habits is possible!
You were not born with angry and violent habits. You unconsciously trained your mind to respond angrily to what you did not like. And eventually, you ended up patterning your mind with violent thoughts and reactions. And as you grew up, you learned to live as a violent and angry person who gets angry easily.
Repeating angry and violent actions eventually make them happen automatically or almost automatically. Some of our behaviors act as instincts and others as habits. That is how you became a violent and angry person.
Our genetic materials in our chromosomes, too, contribute to habit formation. However, our interactions with the environment can also influence our habit formations. That is why in a family noted to be peaceful and non-aggressive, a member may turn out to be angry and violent.
The trait in that odd fellow might be from interactions with the environment. That odd person might have adapted to what seemed to be normal characteristics or traits of the society or environment.
For instance, some religious or ethnic groups exhibit extreme anger and violence, which can affect the behavior of someone growing up in that community or society. His or her character could mold to accept the anger and violence in that environment. That person would grow up living the angry and violent life and seeing that as normal behavior.
Do you want to change your angry and violent habits?
You must first have a strong desire to change your angry and violent habits. And you can make the change by replacing your angry and violent habits with peaceful and non-violent attitude.
In the same way, you nurtured anger and violence to become habits, through repetition, you can replace your old habits with new ones.
Commitment is necessary. Your angry and violent habits took years to form, and so you will need time to erase them by replacing them with the good or positive ones you are forming.
Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love.
Uncontrolled anger makes us lose the opportunity to win people’s trust.
Many people are unaware of their uncontrolled anger.
Many have fires burning in their bosoms, yet pretend to be loving and caring.
People condemn Al-Qaeda, ISIS, Al-Shabaab, Boko Haram, and persons or groups who slit people’s throats and decapitate people, and yet they turn around to do evil to fellow humans.
We condemn suicide bombers in the Arab countries, in Europe, etc., yet we lynch people without evidence that they deserve to die by such inhuman acts.
Some Christians, despite the teachings of Jesus, use the wrong frontal method of attacking angry and violent people. It is unwise to attack angry and violent people; especially when they are defending their beliefs. You make them angrier.
Uncontrolled anger can produce angry responses from listeners. And angry responses can interfere with listeners’ minds. They may feel your responses are attacks and would want to defend themselves. The listener may feel intimidated and belittled.
Uncontrolled anger can misrepresent the truth about our opinions
We must, therefore, learn to control our anger.
Angry moods convey antagonistic impressions — they attack the persons we want to win over.
Angry hostile people are difficult to communicate with
How to communicate effectively with angry hostile people is a problem many people struggle with.
Communicating With Hostile People
It is not easy speaking with angry hostile people.
You could become frustrated trying to make angry hostile people listen and understand your point of view.
While you are trying to explain your point, the angry hostile person would be shouting, intimidating and not listening.
You might get carried away by emotions and respond by shouting back or even hitting him or her.
Many people struggle with questions like,
• How to present their message without offending angry hostile people.
• The right way to communicate with angry hostile people.
• Why it is difficult to make angry hostile people listen.
Share interesting ideas or information when you communicate with angry hostile people
Angry hostile people will listen to you if what you are telling them is interesting and concerns them. Make your message simple, easy to understand and interesting.
Your initial approach should be to make angry hostile people friendly
Some topics are confusing and difficult to understand or accept. Certain religious doctrines, for instance, are difficult to understand by the non-believer. A prejudiced listener may close his or her mind and may not want to listen. He or she may even become angry when you discuss such topics. Especially if he or she believes your doctrine or view may pollute his or her mind. Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.” Somake the hostile listener a friendly one.
Encourage angry hostile people to engage in dialogue in a peaceful way
Create a peaceful atmosphere with your angry hostile listener. That can make the angry hostile listener friendly. A friendly person can listen to people express their views.
Have an idea of the mind of the angry hostile people you are sharing your views with
Is the person defending a belief? This will become clear as you engage him or her in the dialogue. Is the listener interested in knowing the truth? Or is he or she covering up the inefficiencies or weakness of a belief? Does he or she have prejudices and misconceptions about the issue you are discussing? You can notice that from the body language and how he or she opposes you.
Let them feel involved; let them participate
Do not shut angry hostile people off. Ask questions that will lead to the answers you are providing. The questions you ask will help encourage them to participate in the discussion. Elicit direct responses from them.
Be ready for negative or violent reactions from angry hostile people
Be cool and smile while you are discussing. But do not be sarcastic with your smile. And do not forget to be friendly and respectful. Aim at convincing angry hostile people that your solution or view is relevant. Do not compromise the truth, but do not make angry hostile people feel that you think their ideas are silly.
“The tongue of the wise uses knowledge aright; but the mouth of fools pours out foolishness,” (Proverbs 15:2; NKJV).
Make angry hostile people conscious of the problem associated with their views
It will help prod him or her to consider your solution or line of argument. But don’t provoke or be sarcastic.
He or she may need time to see your point. Goad him or her patiently with questions that will make him or her to seek clarification or information. Address your listener’s need, and create expectations for him or her. Make your listener want to learn more.
Do not engage in useless arguments
A lot of talking will not convince your listener.
When he or she is talking, stop and listen. None of you will be listening to the other when both of you are talking at the same time. Don’t turn a discussion into an argument.
Learn to make angry hostile people like what you share with them. Make them love your acquaintance. They will love to listen to you when they are comfortable being with you.
Remember to portray your cause as a good one when you engage people in a discussion.
If your attitude is angry, violent or evil, people will see same in what you are presenting.
Use positive and loving ways to proclaim your cause. That will make angry hostile people want to listen to you.
How do you respond to anger without getting angry?
Responding to anger without getting angry is difficult and frustrating. Because anger is a powerful emotional energy and can blind reasoning.
Do not answer an angry person while you are angry.
To respond to an angry person without getting angry, you need to deal with your own emotions first. Three things are necessary to consider when you are in an angry situation.
1. How do I respond to anger without getting angry? 2. What should I do if I am angry? 3. How do I deal with the anger in the other person?
1. How do I respond to anger without getting angry?
Nelson Mandela said,
“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”
You can respond to anger without getting angry if you deal with your emotional anger. Tell yourself you must not get angry. Restrain the impulse to hit back,and wait for a chance to express yourself.
Anger makes us want to react immediately. Angry people most often do not wait and think before reacting. Because anger makes us impetuous. And impetuous people act without thinking about the outcome of their reactions; impetuous people act by impulse.
Don’t focus on what your opponent is saying because that is what is making you angry. Focus, rather, on what you want; how to make him or her listen to you and agree with you.
While your opponent is talking don’t be thinking about how to rebut. If you are not pleased with what your opponent is saying, talk about your feelings calmly without using angry words.
If you keep calm and listen well, you might understand whether your opponent is speaking because of hurt or not. Or if he or she might have misunderstood you.
2. What should I do if I am angry?
The first thing to do is to stop being angry. But that is not easy for some.Philippians 4:8 says,
“Whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these,” (NKJV).
Exercise control over the temptation to retort in anger. Wait some minutes before reacting. The strength of the emotions to retort in anger weakens when you delay your response or reactions.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission.”
Stop when you notice that the discussion is becoming contentious. Don’t strike back — don’t say anything that will aggravate the situation.
Proverbs 17:14 says,
“The beginning of strife is like releasing water; therefore, stop contention before a quarrel starts,” (NKJV).
3. How do I deal with the anger in the other person?
Shouting will not solve the matter. So be calm when your opponent is angry and shouting. And when you get the chance to respond, speak calmly but firmly.
Alexandre Dumas said,
“There is nothing more galling to angry people than the coolness of those on whom they wish to vent their spleen.”
A soft answer has the power to cool anger in an angry opponent. Accept that he or she is angry. Even if he or she is not right. Do not argue, but discuss. Let him or her know you want to discuss what is upsetting him or her; you don’t want to argue.
Tolerance helps us to listen and to reason with each other.
You could lose objectivity if your mind is only on winning.
Give him or her the chance to express his or her view. Pay attention to what he or she is saying; try to see his or her point of disagreement. After you have listened to him or her, explain your side in a calm and respectful way.
If he or she still will not see your point, do not argue to prove your point. There is nothing you can do when your opponent is not ready to accept the truth. Francis Bacon said people tend to believe that which they would like to be true.
Angry people are narrow-minded and acerbic with their words.
They have no patience to listen to divergent views. They are sarcastic and insulting.
Don’t react angrily and negatively to what they say; even when they say negative things about your person. Do not echo their attitude!
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1; New King James Version)
Use positive words to correct their negative attitude. Encourage them to engage positively with you. For instance, instead of saying, “Your bottle is half empty,” say, “Your bottle is half full.”
Don’t return fire for fire.
You will stir their emotions and make them angrier when you use harsh language.
Angry people usually struggle to control their anger when told how wrong they are.
Their ego will not allow them to accept the truth when it is bitter. They become uncomfortable when you tell them straight in the face that they are wrong.
You trigger their emotions when you speak in a confrontational way. He or she feels you are attacking his or her opinion and so becomes defensive. Using the reverse method, instead of the frontal attack, therefore, can make them comfortable to listen to your differing opinion.
Don’t focus on your opponent’s anger or insults, because they can make you angry. And when you are angry, you may find it difficult to reason, and so, fail to explain your views well. Concentrate on what you want to say. Say it kindly and truthfully.
Don’t argue; you would be wasting time.
Medical research explains that when we speak, even alone to ourselves, one part of the brain speaks while the other part listens. Therefore, learn to listen to others when they air their views, even if you do not agree with them. You will learn a lot when you listen; it will help you understand the problem and how to deal with it appropriately.
How do we help to nurture and grow religious militancy? We do that by our inactions and actions! We help to nurture and grow religious militancy by our covert and overt encouragements!
Edmund Burke said,
“All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.”
When religious leaders say nothing against the violence and evil that is perpetrated by some of their fellow believers, they are indirectly helping to perpetrate evil. Some religious leaders do not speak against violence perpetrated against other people because they share the same faith as the perpetrators of the violence and evil.
Some even covertly help with funding, because they know the violence is perpetrated against other religions. They fail to know that, by their inactions and actions, they are indirectly supporting and nurturing militants who perpetrate evil, and that they are training militants who will become a problem in the future.
Under the guise of serving God, militants use their power and control to inflict pain and suffering on helpless people
When they secure power, they turn against their own people whom they regard as not radical. They do not differentiate any more between people of their own faith and people of other faiths.
They claim God has given them the mandate to wipe out every other person who does not share in their way of beliefs.
We are inundated daily with horrifying news reports of religious militants who claim they are serving a loving God by attacking and killing people.
They claim they are fighting God’s battle. They claim they are proclaiming a God of peace and a compassionate deity who loves people; yet they unleash suffering on people.
Jesus, the Prince of Peace, said that, such people do not know God. They are not promoting the God of peace. He said,
They will put you out of the synagogues; yes, the time is coming that whoever kills you will think that he offers God service. And these things they will do to you because they have notknown the Father nor Me. (John 16:2-3; New King James Version)
God is Peace and Love; He hates violence
A group of armed terrorists, the al-Qaeda-linked al-Shabaab, forcefully entered the Westgate Mall in Nairobi and unleashed senseless violence upon customers and workers, killing some in the attack …Boko Haram continues to attack and kill people; they abduct women and girls, and force them, as if they are slaves, to marry people they don’t love… ISIS groups are attacking and killing people… Al-Shabaab militants are invading, attacking schools and killing innocent people… The Lord’s Resistance Army are recruiting child soldiers to engage in senseless wars. All these claim they are fighting on behalf of the peaceful and merciful God!
How can a merciful deity be so unmerciful?
How can a deity who is behind the violence and the pain inflicted on innocent people be seen as peaceful and compassionate? How can a merciful deity be so unmerciful as to instruct people to rape innocent girls?
Why would a powerful deity send terrorists to attack helpless people? How can one perpetrate violence and expect people to see one as non-violent?
This is happening because good people refused to speak when the violence and evil started!
Now we see and hear much violence perpetrated through religion. Religion that is supposed to bring peace and happiness is now unleashing terror!
Why should much of the violence we hear and experience come from the religious quarter? And why is it that one particular religion is noted for that?
Could it be that the leaders failed to educate their people about the true nature of the Creator God? That a merciful and compassionate God does not delight in killing people and making families miserable?
Jesus told His disciples to preach peace and demonstrate peace. He said if people refuse to receive them, they should let them be and go elsewhere. He said they should never use force. They should leave them for the Day of Judgement, (Luke 10:5-12).
Violence does not promote peace. An eye for an eye will deprive us of our sight. Don’t seek to conquer people; seek to win their confidence.
Martin Luther King said, “That old law about an eye for an eye leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.”
Martin Luther King, Jr. was prominently engaged in the African-American Civil Rights Movements in the 1960s. In spite of the attacks and inhuman treatments meted out to him, he believed in what Jesus said about loving one’s enemies and not retaliating.
In 1964, King became the youngest man to be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize (for his work as a peacemaker, promoting nonviolence and equal treatment for different races). On April 4, 1968, King was assassinated in Memphis, Tennessee, still on peacemaking trails. Today Martin Luther King is an icon in the history of the American Civil Rights movement, and he is well known for peacemaking.
Mahatma Gandhi said, “If we practice an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless.”
The Bible advises us to restrain from violence. The Christian is to be like Jesus, the Prince of Peace.
Violent people wreak havoc on people and properties as a way of expressing their anger; they want to conquer by using violence and intimidation. They justify their actions by saying that they are obeying God’s command. Wherever they go they spread violence and cause mayhem. They have no patience and cannot tolerate other people’s divergent opinions.
Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God,” (Matthew 5:9).
People who practice violence cannot be God’s children. They are not doing God’s will!
Terrorists are angry people who have not been able to get what they want.They turn to terrorism to express their anger. They attack even those who have no quarrel with them.
Unforgiving spirit leads to hate and violence
Proverbs 25:15 says, “By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded — and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.”
Be patient and forgiving. Articulate your views; persuade and convince. Don’t use force.
A Gaelic proverb says, “Patience wears out stones.” Rousseau also intimated, “Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.”
We read news stories like, “15 killed in University Attack, or 30 people killed in a suicide bomb attack…” Sometimes thousands of people are displaced as result of militant attacks. A religious group pops up and declares that it carried out the attacks in God’s name.
One wonders why the Almighty God, who has power to control people’s minds, will not use His Almighty power to make people to do His will, but will send humans who cannot control the minds of other people, to use physical force to make them change? Why would the Judge of Righteousness command people to destroy the lives of helpless and innocent women and children?
In Uganda, some religious extremists threw acid on a religious leader. The victim sustained severe burns that blinded one of his eyes and was threatening the other eye.
A newspaper reported that, in one city, eleven people died when religious militants bombed a worship center and attacked a police station.
Militants do not restrict their attacks to people of other religions. They attack their own fellow believers they think are not radical enough.
Violence does not promote the cause of a merciful and peace loving God. Hurting or killing people does not advertise a loving God.
Robert Green Ingersoll asserted that, “Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of the mind.”
A 43-year-old in New Jersey called police to say he had a knife and was threatening to hurt himself. Apparently, he was angry at something. Officers swooped over his Clay Street home and kicked on the door to his room, which he had blocked with furniture.
When he stood up, he shouted at the officers and frantically stabbed himself all over his body, leaving more than 50 stab wounds.
Officers saw that his intestines were sticking out from the wound in his abdomen. When they tried to approach him, the man allegedly threw some of the skin and intestines at them.
They tried to talk him down, but did not succeed. He slashed at them with the knife. Officers sprayed two cans of pepper spray at him, but it had no effect. They called the Bergen Country SWAT Team, who helped subdue him with beanbag projectiles.
The man underwent emergency surgery and remained in critical condition at the time of the news report.
That was an angry man who was angry with everyone, including himself.
BBC News Report
Anger makes suicide bombers kill innocent people… and getting killed, too!
Christianity does not use violence to promote its cause…. it does not promote evil.
Christianity uses love and tolerance to win people’s confidence and trust.
Christianity does not seek to conquer; it seeks to win friendship.
Violence produces pain and sorrow. Violence kills and destroys.
People hate violent people. They can’t trust violent people.
You can’t use violence to make people love you. The peace loving God calls in peace. A peaceful person preaches and practices peace.
Abraham Lincoln said that he conquered his enemies when he made them his friends.
When we make an enemy become a friend we actually have succeeded in converting that person from being a hostile enemy into a loving friend. In doing that we eliminate violence.
Fighting against each other breeds animosity. By doing that we are nurturing hate in the minds of our children, and training them to grow to hate others. We end up creating violent and unforgiving societies.
Do not use religion to promote hate and anger.
When we use our religions to spread anger, fear and hate against people who disagree with us, or who do not share our beliefs, we make them see our religions as violent. Preaching by violence does not instill the love of God in our children and followers. It makes them become violent and hateful. Jesus taught us to love … not to hate. Jesus told the story about the Samaritan helping the Jew in a context that His listeners understood very well. The Jews and Samaritans were enemies; each desiring the complete annihilation of the other.
We remember the encounter Jesus had with the Samaritan woman by the well in John chapter 4. When Jesus asked the Samaritan woman to give Him water to drink, the Samaritan woman was surprised that a Jew could be bold to ask a Samaritan for water.
She said, “How is it that you, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan?” The passage ends emphatically with the statement… “For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.”
When it was getting to the time that Jesus would leave this world, a few things remained for Him to do in Jerusalem before He departed. Luke writes that He set His face to go to Jerusalem; meaning He would not have time to interact with the Samaritans. However, He and His disciples had to pass through a village of the Samaritans. His disciples decided to prepare a place for Him in that Samaritan village before they proceeded to Jerusalem. The Samaritans refused to receive Him because His face was set for the journey to Jerusalem. When the disciples, James and John, saw that, they became angry and said to Him, “Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them, just as Elijah did?”
The disciples wanted to use anger and hate to pay for anger and hate, instead of love against anger and hate.
Jews and Samaritans, being enemies, each misinterpreted the actions of the other. The Samaritans were not happy because Jesus had made Jerusalem His priority over them. Influenced by the historical problem between them and the Jews, the Samaritans misinterpreted His intention, and so refused to receive Him. Jesus’ disciples, too, being Jews, interpreted the actions of the Samaritans in line with their Jewish way of thinking; the Jewish-Samaritan conflict that existed. Since Jews regarded the Samaritans as inferior, they asked Jesus to allow them to call fire to destroy them. Jesus refused, and told them to go to another village. He told them He came to save lives and not to destroy lives. God’s mission (always) is to save, and not to destroy lives, (Luke 9:51-56).
Jesus advised them to follow the path of peace no matter the provocation. Some people use religion to gain control over people.
They are not promoting the God of peace. They attack everyone, including their own fellow believers. Their aim is to kill and put fear in people. They want to bring people under their control. They seek places where people gather, because those places are where they can get many people to intimidate and to kill. They attack churches, mosques, market places and malls. You would think that they would not attack their own places of worship; but they do.
Using violence portrays you and your cause as evil
Expressing your grievances by killing innocent and helpless people does not win sympathy. Rather people will see you as violent and evil. People despise your cause when you attack and force them to accept your beliefs. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, came to promote peace.He did not wage war on people. He waged a spiritual war against Satan, sin and sickness. The angels announced at his birth, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!” (Luke 2:14.)
God sent Jesus Christ to be the Peacemaker in a world full of hate, violence and evil.
In Isaiah 9:6, we read, “For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given; and the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”
Jesus asked all of us who love the God of peace (and follow Him) to exhibit love and peace even to our enemies, (Luke 6:27-36).
God does not send killers to kill unbelievers. He sends peace loving people to preach peace, love and reconciliation. God is Peace, Compassionate, Ever Merciful. Peace lovers preach peace and love.
Convince by articulating your views and providing the right answers …
Who are the true presenters of peace? Those who preach and conquer by violence? Or those who preach peace and love?
There are those who claim they are peaceful, yet they promote violence!
Christians were accused of embarking on the Crusades!
The Christians explained that they were forced to embark on the Crusades in self-defense. They said they were pushed into a ‘life or death’ situation; there was nothing they could do to free themselves from the brutalities of the Jihad, so they had to fight back.
The Jihad
The Jihad started after 633 AD. Lands were conquered and the conquered people told they had to convert to the new religion. If they did not convert, they had to pay a protection levy so they could remain in their faith. However, they would not be allowed to proclaim openly their religious faith. Some could not pay the tax and so had to covert and accept the new religion imposed on them.
The warriors called their war(s) “The Jihad” — striving for God (which became popularized as Holy Wars); wars promoting God’s cause or religion.
Many died in the wars. Women and girls captured in the wars were forced to marry the conquerors and the sons of the conquerors. (The conquerors said they were doing the women a favor by marrying them as their husbands and men had died in the wars.)
Christians could not openly proclaim their faith anymore. Some churches were converted to accommodate the new faith and to serve as worship centers for the new faith. When the Christians could not bear the agony any longer, they cried to their leaders to do something about the situation. At first, the leaders would not respond.
Then the conquerors blocked the Mediterranean area, making trading activities difficult. When Pilgrimage to Jerusalem, the Christian Holy Land, was also made difficult to Christians, the Christian leaders decided to respond.
It took 400 years for the Christians to respond. (The first Crusade was in the 11th Century, while the Jihad started earlier in the 7th century.) The Christians responded to free themselves and their lands from the invaders who had caused much pain and sorrow to many families. The invaders cried out and condemned the action of the Christians. They said it was wrong for the Christians to rise up and fight (though the Christians were actually defending themselves).
The Christians, too, (actually) went into excesses
Although the Christians went into excesses, those who started the hostilities (the Jihad) 400 years earlier should also have been told that they were wrong in starting their holy war.But that did not happen; rather the Christians who decided to defend themselves were accused of embarking on the war (to defend themselves).
The Crusades (and the Jihad) finally ended. Both Muslims and Christians learned that war was not right.
Suicide bombings, horrific killings, (decapitation of Christians, journalists and others), abductions, rape, etc., are being used to promote a cause.
Those who commit the atrocities say they are a peaceful and loving people. They assert that they are preaching a peace-loving deity, and that they are only proclaiming to the world how good it is to follow their ‘peaceful’ cause. They use violence because they want everyone to love and worship their compassionate deity!!!
Is this the world God intended?
The Bible presents a God of peace who sent the Prince of Peace (Jesus Christ) to preach love, forgiveness, peace and non-violence.
Peace-lovers preach a peaceful God, not a violent and killer deity!
Peace-lovers do not preach hate!
You destroy the cause you represent when you preach and practice violence! You destroy the testimony of your fellow believers who are peace-lovers and who preach peace!
Presentation on Making People Listen Without Provoking Them
Do you struggle with the question, “How do I make people like me and listen to me?”
Do you wonder why people hate you and your cause?… why people say negative things about you and your beliefs?
You might have tried many times to explain and give reasons as to why people should accept your views, why they should accept your religion or your party’s ideology without success. In spite of efforts, you continue to fail; nobody listens to you; nobody seems to like you or your religion.They hate you, and you wonder why.
Your attitude may be the problem!
People will not like you if you cannot tolerate them. They will not like you if you force your views on them. Allow people to analyze what you tell them; allow them the freedom to decide to agree or disagree with you. When you are wrong, admit it; do not be angry when people tell you that you are wrong. Do not be on the defensive when you are wrong. Allow them to explain or express their views.
Respect people’s opinions; be polite when you disagree with their opinions. Learn to listen to people when they express themselves and tell you what they want. Do not be like religious militants who do not listen to other people’s opinions .
Don’t be insulting. Don’t make people’s lives miserable.
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity,” Psalm 133:1.
Dining together in love and unity (Queens Bible Church, New York)
It is incompatible with the character of the God of mercy to kill innocent and helpless people. Therefore, do not project a deity that is always angry and murderous.
The God of peace and mercy loves all the time. He persuades and gently leads people to the truth.
Instead of killing, the God of peace and love gives life and happiness.
When you are sarcastic, you make people angry.
Sarcasm makes it difficult for people to listen when you express your views. Sarcasm does not win empathy or understanding.
Your body language might make your suggestions or responses appear insulting.
A vicious personality portrays you as a violent person.
You can’t convince people that your religion is peaceful when you are hostile and attack people who disagree with you.
Violent behaviors and murderous actions are some reasons people may see you as evil and murderous.
Remember that you can win people to your cause without being violent or angry.
Christianity asserts that God is kind, merciful and loving; …..that God does not destroy innocent lives. He protects and guides in the way of righteousness.
The Christian Bible describes God as
“…long-suffering and abundant in mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression; but He by no means clears the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generation.” (Numbers 14:18; New King James Version)
Islam, too, proclaims that Allah is merciful… or does it?
Every chapter of the Qur’an, except chapter 9, begins with the character of Allah as “The Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.”
Islamic teachers tell us that Islam is a peaceful religion, and that Islam does not allow violence, except in self-defense.
Unfortunately Boko Haram, ISIS, Al-Shabab, and other militants, contradict them as they continue to perpetuate violence and atrocities in the name of God and religion.
Pointing out the evil that people do in the name of religion is not an attack on religion. It is a cry against the atrocities! Good and loving people will always speak out against atrocities even when the evils are done in God’s name. The New York Times reported how women were enslaved and raped repeatedly. Each time, before the rapist raped the victim, he performed a prayer in front of the victim, raped her, and then performed another round of prayer in front of her. He justified his action that Allah permitted him to do that because she belonged to another religion.
We can conquer without being violent! We can win people to our cause without attacking them.
Rockeybell has written books on how to win without being violent.
For the electronic versions visit… Conquering Without Being Violent Persuasion Is Better Than Force (Electronic version of “Winning Without Attacking – Why Persuasion Is Better Than Force”)
Using evil does not promote a good, kind, loving and merciful God.
That 12-year-old girl will never love the religion that permitted her to be raped. She will never be able to believe that the rapist’s God is a loving God.
Why would a merciful God send a rapist to punish her instead of teaching and guiding her to the right path? Why would God allow her to be born into that family, and then punish her for being born into that family?
The saved are to direct those not saved to the right path; not to attack and kill. Jesus would not allow His followers to command fire from heaven and consume the Samaritans as Elijah did, because He came to save lives and not to destroy them, (Luke 9:51-56).
The Bible does not allow rape, fornication or adultery, even when done in God’s name.
Do religious leaders condemn slavery and the slave trade, yet turn round and condone it in their own camp?
When we use force or use atrocities on people because they do not share our religious convictions we make them see the God we present as evil.
No compulsion in religion The Christian Bible teaches that God does not use force to make people love Him. It instructsChristians to preach the message of God’s love and let the listener himself or herself decide (Ezekiel 3:17-19; Luke 10:5-12; Mark 16:15-16). The Qur’an also declares,
“Let there be no compulsion in religion. Truth stands out clear from error…” (2:256) “… And had your Lord willed, those on earth would have believed, all of them together. So, will you then compel mankind, until they become believers?” (10:99)
How long have you been battling with the question of “how to make people listen to you”?
Do you struggle with the question of “how to make people accept your message”?
Do you get angry and frustrated when people reject your message?
Do you use the frontal attack as religious militants do?
The frontal attack is combative.
It attacks the listener in the guise of providing information, and triggers a fight response from the listener. It is aggressive in approach and invites same in response.
It is the method militants use.It is not peaceful, and has no touch of love. It is brutal and does not consider the feelings and rights of others.
Never use the frontal attack; use the reverse method
Explain the benefits of what you are offering. Make the listener see how he or she will benefit. Do not force the listener. Let him or her decide; let him or her choose willingly. People want to choose what they want, and what they think will benefit them.
The Samaritan woman Jesus met by the well had lived a life of a whore; she had lived with five different people. At the time Jesus met her, she was living with a sixth man, (John 4:17-18). She needed spiritual deliverance. However,Jesus knew that the existing enmity between the Jews and the Samaritans could make it difficult for her to listen to Him. He, therefore, used the reverse method. He asked her for water. When she reminded Jesus that Jews and Samaritans did not talk to each other, Jesus ignored the remark, and rather stated her spiritual need.
Jesus told her,
“If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who is saying to you, ‘Please give me a drink,’ you would have been the one to ask him, and he would have given you living water.” (International Standard Version)
Jesus used ‘water’ to get the woman’s attention. Water was her need at that time. She wondered how Jesus would give her living water when He had no bucket to draw water; besides, moments ago He had asked her for water to drink. Jesus was using a strategy to engage her to talk back so He could explain to her the spiritual gift He had for her. If Jesus had started by telling her He wanted to give her a gift, she would have ignored Him.
When she retorted, Jesus ignored her sarcasm and rather emphasized on her spiritual need. She became interested in the special water that could “become a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” (John 4:14) He was offering the woman eternal life by using what she valued at the time -‘water’. He got her undivided attention. She was no more thinking about the enmity between Jews and Samaritans. She was now willing to receive from a Jew. She said,
“Sir, give me this water that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw water.” (John 4:15)
Jesus now had to make her confess her life of sin. Again, He refrained from using the frontal method. He did not tell her, “You must confess your sin before I can give you this water.”That would have provoked her. She would have called other Samaritans to come and see a Jew who had the audacity to come to the city of Samaritans and insult a Samaritan. Angry Samaritans would have come out to lynch that Jew. He told her to go and bring her husband, though He knew she had no husband. The woman on her own volition confessed that she had no husband. By her confession she gave Jesus the opportunity to remind her the number of men she had lived with.
That was a powerful revelation
She wondered, “How can this man know my secret life? Is He a prophet?” She answered back, “Sir, I perceive that You are a prophet.” She proceeded to talk about worship and the disagreement between Jews and Samaritans, providing Jesus the opportunity to teach her. After listening to Jesus expound on worship and spirituality, and telling her He was the Messiah, she became convinced. She left her water pot, went her way into the city, and told other Samaritans about the stranger who could be the Christ; her testimony drew the people to Jesus.
People will listen to you if you articulate your views convincingly
Do not use force as the Boko Haram, Al-Shabaab, ISIS, Al-Qaeda, and other religious militants are doing
Aftermath of Boko Haram Islamic militant attack and destruction of a village and a Christian church in northern Nigeria
Do not attack people when they do not readily respond to your message
Show them the beauty of your cause, not the ugliness and hatred of your cause
Patiently discuss how the listener stands to gain when he or she accepts what you are offering.
Many struggle with how to make people listen, and how to make people accept their message when they communicate with people.
God is Peace and Love… He hates violence
Why do people not listen to you? Why do people hate you?
Have you considered that you could be the cause?
Have you been talking about a God of peace while portraying an angry and violent deity?
You make people hate you and your message when you use violence and coercion.
People may reject your message or opinion if you do not articulate your message convincingly. Think of how to make your message (or the information you are sharing) interesting to the listener.
Do not become frustrated and lose your temper when people reject your message. Do not use violence to make people accept what you are offering them.
Preach the God of Peace. Preach the God who cares and loves, and people will want Him to be their Lord. Don’t tell them about a loving God, and then present an angry and violent God! Don’t tell people your God loves, and then go out to kidnap helpless, defenseless girls and women.
Don’t tell people your God is compassionate and then go round capturing helpless people and decapitating them. You make people to hate your God when you do that.
God is Peace; He publishes peace and love
“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings of good things, who proclaims salvation, who says to Zion, ‘Your God reigns!'” (Isaiah 52:7; New King James Version)
Faith comes by hearing not by torture; not by compulsion.
Help listeners make informed decisions by properly articulating your beliefs.
“Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God,” (Romans 10:17; New King James Version).
People must not be tortured to generate faith in them. “For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation,” (Romans 10:10; New King James Version).
When you force people and torture them, you send the wrong message. You make people hate your religion. They associate your religion with violence and hate. They see your God to be an angry and violent God; and no matter how hard you try to make them see that your God and your religion is not evil, they will continue to see them as evil.
Your anger and violence will continue to erect walls of hate and anger. You should, therefore, show love and tolerance by demonstrating love and tolerance for people to see love and tolerance in your message.
Jesus and His followers did not use the sword to make people accept their message. He preached against violence, and told His disciples not to use violence to make people believe in Him.
He told His disciples to convince listeners. If the listener will not readily respond favorably, help create the necessary reaction that will trigger the interest in him or her. Jesus always led people to think through by asking questions like,
• “Who do men say that I the son of man am?”…… • “Who do you say I am?”
Jesus also made people to think through on what He told them. He was not in a hurry; he led His targets gradually to the point where they could assimilate the truth of His message. He addressed the need of His listeners. He told the Samaritan woman,
“Anyone who drinks this water will thirst again, but anyone who drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”
The Samaritan woman’s desire was aroused and she asked for that kind of water which could make a well of water to spring up into everlasting life inside her.
When you make the listener reason through, he or she will become involved in finding the answer or solution together with you. He or she will not see the answer as one that has been pushed down his or her throat.
Note also that, in spite of all your efforts, there will be a few who will still not accept your views or message. Francis Bacon said, “People usually prefer to believe what they prefer to be true.”
