Tag: anger

Suspicions Can Be Dangerous!

Suspicions can be dangerous. Mostly suspicions are just mere suspicions that have not been confirmed. Yet people tend to believe them as factual.

Generalized suspicions have caused hostilities among people, destroyed relationships, and wrecked homes.

The indwelling of God’s Spirit transforms our spirits and empowers us to love each other as God loves us. The Holy Spirit enables us to live righteous lives. Milk turns water milky and tasty like milk. Similarly, the Holy Spirit transforms the human spirit and gives the human spirit divine power. The water does not change itself. It is the milk that transforms the water. In the same manner, the Holy Spirit transforms the human spirit (Acts 2:4). Jesus said, you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you (Acts 1:8).

Among Christians, (and non-Christians), are people who believe that their suspicions are factual revelations of people’s intentions. They believe their suspicions are factual divine revelations from God. And these people have caused unrest in their communities with their so-called revelations.

I live eighty (80) kilometers from Bawku, an area embroiled in conflict. Conflicts have caused peace to elude Bawku and its environs. People live daily in fear of being physically attacked. They live daily in fear of being terrorized by miscreants. Infiltrations by evil-minded people from other communities, some from outside the country, have added to fears as unscrupulous persons take advantage to cause mayhem and panic.

Evil and lawless people, riding on motorcycles, shoot and kill people at random. Even the presence of military personnel has not curbed the violence, nor allayed fears. The situation has resulted in the Government imposing curfews, and sometimes restricting the use of motorcycles. Yet violence and shooting have continued.

The curfew and restrictions make life unbearable. Law-abiding citizens who do not indulge in bad behaviors are also affected by the ban and restrictions.

Countless educational fora and advice by religious bodies, government agencies and NGOs have failed to make violence-minded persons embrace peaceful co-existence.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “People only see what they are prepared to see.” Therefore, making some people to understand and accept peace can be an uphill struggle.

Pete Wehner is a Senior Fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center and the director of EPPC’s Faith Angle Forum. He is a writer on political, cultural, religious, and national security issues. He asserts, “As human beings we’re wired to interpret new information as conforming our beliefs and reject it if it runs counter to those beliefs.”

People readily reject beliefs or ideas that do not conform to what they want.

Young ones look unto the elderly as role models. They learn from what the elderly do. They grow up emulating the elderly. In communities associated with violence, elderly ones with violent mindset usually urge children and the young ones to be hard and fight all who offend or oppose them. They instigate violence by urging them to resist violence with violence. They urge them to be brutal and offensive against people who oppose them.

Children growing up in these communities, therefore, unconsciously train their minds to respond angrily to whatever they do not like and end up patterning their minds with violent thoughts. Each time a child emphasizes on violence, the child enhances the violent habit. As the child grows up, he or she learns to live as a violent individual, distrusting people, getting angry easily, and relegating patience to the background. He or she grows up believing that patience is a sign of cowardice.

Thus, we are constantly creating violent, impatient and non-forgiving societies.

Sadly, the canker of suspicion has engulfed the Christian community, too. And some Christian leaders believe their suspicions are revelations or divine inspirations from God. These religious leaders equate their unhealthy suspicious feelings and thoughts with the Word of Knowledge. And others equate them with prophecy (1 Corinthians 12:8,10).

I know a Christian woman who suspects everybody who disagrees with her. When anyone says something that displeases her she jumps to the conclusion the person is insinuating her. I have explained to her that she should first analyze her feelings and thoughts and pray about them before conjecturing. I tell her to ask anyone she suspects has defamed her for clarification before concluding that she is right in her accusations. But she rejects my advice.

Neil Strauss said, “People believe what they want to believe. And what they want to believe is whatever allows them to justify what they want to do.”

Her suspicions of people make her to hate people. Especially those who disagree with her. She even suspects her husband to be a womanizer. Her proof is only her suspicions. Her behavior makes her husband now to suspect that she could be living with a guilty conscience. People who struggle with a guilty conscience because of what they have done, tend to suspect every other person. They reason that if they could cheat on their spouses, then it is possible that their spouses, too, might cheat on them. Liars struggle to believe others. Liars use themselves as the standard to judge others.

Some people will never accept anything that is not what they believe. Francis Bacon said, “Man prefers to believe what he prefers to be true.”

If you suspect that someone has offended you, go to that person and tell him or her what you suspect. Enquire from the person if what you suspect is true. Jesus tells us to deal with problems by talking to people we think have offended us, (Matthew 18:15-17).

Do not aver that your suspicions against people are factual until after you have authenticated your suspicions.

Suspicions start in the inner space of our being (our mind). Some people feel that the spirit is speaking to their inner being. And some pastors and prophets believe that these feelings and thoughts are inspirations of God’s Spirit speaking within their spirits.

Moreover, people who do not live righteously see all others the same way. If they are dishonest, they consider all (or most) people to be dishonest. Therefore, they can’t believe that other people can have high moral principles. They think every person has low moral principles as they have.

But they are wrong because there are many people who are righteous and who will not compromise their integrity.

Participants in conflicts tend to respond based on their own feelings of the situation, rather than an objective review of the situation. We don’t see other people’s point of view when we allow emotions to dictate our responses. We must, therefore, learn to control our emotions. We must learn to take logical approaches in dealing with happenings we don’t like.

On June 7, 2012, there was a news report from the Central Region in Ghana that two people had been killed in ethnic clashes between indigenous Fantes and Ewe settlers at Ekumfi Narkwa, in the Mfantseman District.

The clashes ensued when a 50-year-old man, who was the Ebusuapanyin (the head of the family) of the Narkwa royal house, was beheaded by unknown assailants. His mutilated body was buried in his coconut plantation. Initially his body was found without the head.

Five others sustained gunshot injuries and were receiving treatment at the hospital.

The police reported that the Fantes suspected the Ewe settlers of the murder. Relying on suspicion and not on facts, the Fante indigenes ran riot and torched seven thatched houses belonging to the Ewes. A second report later gave the number of houses burnt as eight.

The Ewes retaliated in defense. Later reports revealed that several more people sustained various degrees of injuries.

The Daily Graphic, on 12 June 2012, reported that two suspects, Kweku Mensah, 37, a coconut seller, and native of Narkwa, and his 30-year-old sister, Aba Koba, were arrested for the murder. Mensah led a team of policemen to the location where he buried the severed head.

The suspects, Kweku Mensah and Aba Koba, were not Ewes. Yet the Fantes had earlier suspected that the murderer was an Ewe. If the indigenes had delayed action, or done the right thing by allowing the police to do their work, innocent lives would have been saved, and damage to houses would have been averted.

Investigations revealed that Kweku Mensah, a coconut seller, often went into the coconut plantation of the murdered person, Eguasia, to steal coconuts to sell. And Eguasia had confronted and warned Mensah severally to stop stealing from his farm. 

On Wednesday, June 6, 2012, Eguasia went to his coconut plantation and saw Mensah plucking his coconuts. A confrontation ensued. Mensah managed to overpower Eguasia and beheaded him. He dug a grave near the farm, buried the head and covered it. He then buried the body on top of the head in the same grave.

Mensah then took Eguasia’s mobile phone home and gave it to his sister, Aba Kobah. Aba Kobah warned Mensah not to tell anybody about the incident else the people of the community would lynch him.

The police later had information that a woman was in possession of the deceased’s mobile phone. So, the Police made calls to the phone. Kobah kept misleading the police as to who she was and where she lived. Eventually, the police were able to arrest Mensah and Kobah, and the two confessed.

Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back,” (ESV). And in Proverbs 17:27-28 we read, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent,” (ESV).

If the Fante indigenes had restrained themselves and not attacked the Ewe settlers, violence would have been averted.

Ralph Waldo Emerson rightly said that “People only see what they are prepared to see.” And Francis Bacon said people prefer to believe what they want to be true.

Suspicions can be dangerous. Suspicions generate anger. And anger can generate hate. As happened between the Fante indigenes and the Ewe settlers, anger and hate can generate conflict, and can cause destruction, pain and even deaths.

Jesus said whenever we think someone has offended us, we should reach out to the person, discuss the issue with the person, and settle the matter (Matthew 18:15-17).

When we pray, the Holy Spirit synchronizes the words of our petitions (or declarations), taking into consideration our attitudes or inner character (Jeremiah 17:10; Job 34:11), and God then gives us our answers, (Job 22:28; John 14:10, 13-16; John 16:24).

The Holy Spirit cannot perform freely in our lives while we are living unrighteous lives. The indwelling Holy Spirit cleanses us of impurities if we allow the Holy Spirit free access in our lives. He transforms our lives by cleansing us of our unrighteousness, (1 John 1:9). And we receive from God our prayer requests.

The Holy Spirit detests lies, hate, bitterness, and all negative attitudes. Lies are lies; there are no big or small lies, and no white or black lies. All lies contaminate our souls and do not allow the Holy Spirit free access to our spirits. And so, a person who bears false witness against another is a club, a sword, and a sharp arrow (Proverbs 25:18).

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Nothing can stop you from reaching success if your mind is decided

Failure can be reversed, so don’t let it make you angry. Keep pushing forward towards success.

Some people are upset when they fail in a venture or enterprise. A failure should not mean the end of a venture or enterprise. You can try again and succeed in later attempts.

Nothing can stop you from reaching success if your mind is decided. God defined your destiny before he formed you in your mother’s womb. If you put your faith into action, you will reach the height you envisaged. Despite the hard knocks of life, you can climb the ladder to success. It might take a long time for you to get there because of the lack of finances or some physical conditions you might have. But you will surely get there, even if you must crawl.

Do not stop even when circumstances make you crawl. Keep moving till you reach your goal. “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead.” (James 2:26; ESV) Faith will keep you going.

If you believe in your vision, you will work assiduously to make it happen. And God will be by you to confirm his word. (Mark 16:20; Acts 14:3)

Determination and perseverance will decide how you succeed or fail.

Thomas Edison made thousands of attempts when working on the light bulb. Later a journalist asked him how he felt when he failed a thousand times. Edison replied he did not fail a thousand times. Those were 1,000 ways he learned would not work. He said, “The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

Thomas Edison was not upset anytime an attempt proved wrong. He did not lose face. He knew he could try as many times as possible until he got it right. And he did.

In Genesis 4:6-7 we read,

“The LORD said to Cain, ‘Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.’” (ESV)

Cain and Abel were two brothers who presented offerings to God. God respected Abel and his offering but rejected Cain’s offering. Cain was not happy and was angry with his brother. But God told him that he was wrong to be angry or upset. If he did what was right his offering would be accepted.

The bottom line was that Cain did not do what was right to receive a favorable response from God. But instead of addressing the issue, Cain vented his anger on his brother Abel.

It was not Abel who rejected Cain’s offering. God rejected the offering. Therefore, Cain should have directed his anger to God. But he misdirected his anger and vented his anger on Abel.

God told Cain he was wrong to vent his anger on his brother. Besides, he wasn’t even right to be angry at all. God would have responded favorably to him and accepted his offering if he did the right thing. When Thomas Edison made corrections, he eventually got the light bulb right.

Many people express their anger wrongly and aggressively and hurt (mostly) innocent people.

Anger is an emotional response to threats. We may use anger as a defense when attacked, insulted, or mistreated. Some people, however, do not use anger rightly. Like Cain was angry with his brother.

Lack can make some people angry. Lack of money limits people’s ability to do what they want. And some people are angry when they can’t get what they want. Lack of confidence can also make a person believe that he or she cannot achieve his or her ambitions. This may also make some people who think they are stuck in their hole angry and bitter. And make them envy those who are successful.

Certainly, money makes success easy. However, without money, you can still achieve success. Otherwise, we would not hear stories of people rising from “rags to riches.”

You may lack funds now to execute your project or business. That doesn’t mean your vision should perish. It is a temporary failure, not a permanent one.

Have faith in God. You can put it on the back burner for a while. Not because it has lost its importance, but because of the lack of funds. It could take months, and sometimes even years before you might come back to it. But no matter how long it takes, you will come out someday and shine.

Just don’t give up. Your present lack of funds should not be the demise of your vision. Consider it a temporary setback and keep it on the back burner until you can raise funds to continue the project. But your vision stays. A genuine vision should not die. Years that pass may refine, or even redefine it into a new or different project. But the vision should not die. Genuine visions do not die easily.

Violent people express their anger through aggressive behaviors. Non-violent people, on the other hand, control their anger and are non-aggressive when they express their anger. Though they may not like what is done to them, or said about them, they have control over their emotions and so can express their anger without being violent.

Some people become volatile when they are upset. When they don’t achieve a purpose, they lose face, and in their anger, they hurl invectives. They resort to incendiary rhetoric to even the scores or make others feel as bad as they feel. Even those who did not cause their problem are not spared.

Incendiary remarks are the fuel that ignites conflicts. The remarks act like petrol on fire and make the fires of hate and conflict burn intensely.

In their efforts to prove their religions superior, some religious advocates use inflammatory remarks on people who hold contrary views. Some politicians also spew out invectives at each other on radio and television.

Jesus taught us not to be antagonistic or inflammatory.

We can always try again whenever we do not achieve the results. If there are corrections to be made, make them, and try again.

Certain places are notorious for conflicts and are regarded as flash points. Unfortunately, people in such areas use inflammatory speeches instead of toning down their discussions.

Religious militants display confrontational attitudes when advocating their religious doctrines. They are angry and violent when people don’t accept their doctrines. Instead of using persuasive and intelligent discourse, they spew out vituperations against other religions.

Attacking the beliefs of your opponent is not peaceful dialogue. You are pouring fuel onto a fire. And you make people dislike you when you do that.

John Locke, writing in 1689, asserts that, “… true and saving religion consists in the inward persuasion of the mind, without which nothing can be acceptable to God.” And that, “Confiscation of estate, imprisonment, torments,” can never really make people “change the inward judgment that they have framed of things,” (unquote… from “A Letter Concerning Toleration,” page 20, published in Buffalo, New York by Prometheus Books, 1990).

Do Not Use Compulsion.

Religious militants believe that polemics is the right way to prove their religions as the best. They insult and attack other people’s beliefs.

Discuss the essence of your religious beliefs convincingly.

Some people do not know how to present their views convincingly, and so resort to insults. They use physical violence to compel people to accept what they are offering.

Christians, however, have been recommended to emulate Jesus in convincing their listeners. Jesus was not antagonistic and was not violent. He was peaceful. He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6)

As you believe in your opinions and religion so also your opponent believes in his or her opinions and religion. Using force will not make your opponent understand your views. Use persuasion and logic to convince your listeners.

Jesus used logic, wisdom, persuasion, and love to make the Samaritan woman listen to him (John 4:6-42). Paul used the same method when he spoke to the Epicurean and Stoic philosophers at the Areopagus (or Mar’s Hill – Acts 17:22-34). Though some mocked him, many believed him. You may not win all, but you will win some. Those who could not understand his resurrection statement told him he could come again another day to explain that.

You may have the truth, but listeners will not be convinced if you cannot articulate your message wisely. Religious militants and politicians who cannot articulate their views convincingly resort to lies and vituperations. They use violence and aggression to force people to obey or accept.

When politicians use provocative words against their opposers they argue that they are exercising their rights and freedom of speech. Freedom of speech, or the right to free speech does not mean one should use insulting language to express one’s views or disagreements. Use persuasion to speak to the minds of listeners. That will help them to make informed decisions. And they won’t feel they have been coerced to accept your views.

Persuasion, however, must be sincere, without manipulation. You must be able to explain the sincerity of your beliefs.

Anger is a normal emotion that we can use to stop people from doing wrong. Anger becomes a problem and abnormal when it gets out of control and turns violent. Then it becomes destructive.

Do not be angry if things do not go the way you want. Anger by itself does not solve problems. God told Cain, “If you do well you shall be accepted.”

Do not use anger as an excuse to hit a fellow human. Always express your anger positively. Talk about what you don’t like and how you feel you have been wronged. Using the positive method will get you favorable or good responses.

Some people are frustrated and angry because of their physical conditions. Some are even angry with God because of their physical disabilities or because of poverty. They vent their anger on everyone and blame others for their lack or inability to be like others. Envy makes them regard the world and everyone as enemies.

You, too, can become successful if you are determined to be successful.

Physical challenges and lack of finances are not permanent disabilities that should prevent you from excelling or from becoming successful in your endeavors. They will delay your success but can’t stop you. Nothing can stop you from reaching your financial and spiritual goals if you decide in your mind and believe in your heart that you can be successful.

Many successful people you see today were once like you. Some of them labored for other people, doing menial jobs to buy bread for survival. Some lived without food for days. Some slept on the streets, at bus stops, and other open spaces with the sky for their roofs.

Don’t be upset when things don’t happen the way you expect. Don’t lose face when you try and fail to get to the top. Don’t feel humiliated. Defeats or failures are temporary. Let them spur you on to get back on your feet. Don’t be ashamed when you have those temporary failures. You can always spring back onto your feet and continue pursuing your goal (Job 5:19; Proverbs 24:16).

You will surely rebound when you fall because God takes note of what you do.

“For God is not unfair. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other Christians, as you still do.” (Hebrews 6:10; NLT)

Therefore, don’t be angry when things don’t happen as expected. Everything will be all right if you patiently endure. Always do what is right. Faith and perseverance will take you to your goal.

It may take years to reach the top. And the going will be tough and unpleasant. But a sweet ending awaits you.

Some people may not believe in you. And some who believe in you may not be able to aid you. Believe in yourself, be committed to your cause, and do what is right. Friends who believe in you will be praying for you. They might not be able to support you financially, but their prayers will touch God and goodness and mercy will follow you. God, the ultimate provider, will give you the provision.

God cares even when people do not consider you. He knows your heart. He provided for others. He will provide for you, too.

The night may be too long and lonely. But Jesus will always be by your side. He will guide you if you ask him. He will encourage you and lead you to success.

Live an honest life before God. God searches our hearts and gives us what we truly deserve (Jeremiah 17:10; Romans 2:6).

Hebrews 10:35-39

35 “Do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord, no matter what happens. Remember the great reward it brings you! 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. 37 ‘For in just a little while, the Coming One will come and not delay. 38 And a righteous person will live by faith. But I will have no pleasure in anyone who turns away.’ 39 But we are not like those who turn their backs on God and seal their fate. We have faith that assures our salvation.” (NLT)

Some people look at their conditions and slump into self-pity. They are convinced that they cannot do anything worthwhile. When help is delayed, they lose hope. But you should not lose hope for God is waiting to help you.

Some people do not even suffer from physical challenges, yet they give up hope and consider themselves incapable when they meet challenges.

God gives strength and ability to the weak and the physically challenged.

The Rev. Dr. Christian Adjei, who has gone to be with the Lord, was my lecturer at the Ghana Christian College and Seminary, now Ghana Christian University. The Rev. Dr. Adjei told me one day in class that I had great potential. I had just given a presentation. After listening to and evaluating my presentation, Rev. Dr. Adjei told me I would achieve great heights and travel internationally if I continued to work assiduously.

I had no financial support. I struggled to feed myself and buy clothing to wear. By the grace of God, the college had absorbed my tuition and lodging fees. That provided some relief. But I still needed to cater for myself in other ways.

Rev. Dr. Adjei himself surmounted physical challenges to rise to the top. He had polio at a tender age and his legs were crippled, compelling him to a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

He did not give up on life. He studied assiduously and eventually gained a doctorate. Proverbs 18:14 says, “The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?”

What the Reverend Dr. Adjei said about me indeed happened. I studied assiduously, gained a scholarship in the United States, and secured degrees up to the Doctoral level. I have lectured in tertiary institutions in Ghana and Singapore. I have given lectures, and academic presentations and preached in the US, and the UK. Other countries I have also been to are France, The Philippines, The Netherlands, Nigeria, Cote d’Ivoire, and Zimbabwe, among others.

Your desire may take time to materialize because you presently lack funds. But Jesus said, “…If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes,” (Mark 9:23).

Keep yearning, thinking, and believing in your heart, wanting to achieve the best. Pull yourself together to do what you want. Your entire personality will pattern itself to the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs of your heart. Your mind and body follow the dictates of your heart. You will achieve your desire according to how strong your heart yearns, and how enthusiastic you are.

Proverbs 23:7 — “… as he thinks in his heart so is he…” People strive hard to get what their hearts yearn for. That is why some, unfortunately, will even kill or use their children, spouses, or relatives, for rituals to gain wealth.

The heart and the mind dictate or influence our passions. The mind conceives the idea and sows it in the heart. It germinates and grows into a strong desire. And the whole human personality is influenced to do what the heart dictates. Use this power that is in you for positive things. Shun the negative.

Be strong in your mind and body. The journey is long, and the lack of funds is hitting you vehemently. But you can do the impossible through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13).

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How To Deal With Disagreements

Returning anger for anger does not resolve conflict. If you hit or insult a person in return for what he or she did, he or she will likely retaliate.

Proverbs 24:29, therefore, says, “Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work,'” (NKJV).

The late Martin Luther King, Jr., said, “Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”

Aesop illustrates this truth in one of his fables, “The Lion and the Boar.”

On a hot day, a lion and a boar met at a small water body for a drink. They argued and fought about who should drink first. Some vultures on a tree watching them took sides. One side said the lion had the right to drink first, while the other said the boar had the first right to drink.  As they fought on, more vultures gathered. They, too, took sides. The lion and the boar tore at each other as the vultures cheered on. After a while, they were tired and stopped for breath. Then they realized that the vultures were waiting for one of them to die or both to die so they could feast on their carcasses. The lion and the boar then decided that it was best to make up and be friends rather than become food for the vultures. They stopped fighting, drank the water together, and went on their separate ways.

People who encourage you to fight take advantage of you.

When people or countries fight, other people and countries enrich themselves by selling arms to them. After the war, reconstructions take place. And those who stood by watching are the ones who are engaged and paid to do the reconstructions. 

Learn to listen to your angry opponents though you disagree with them. It makes it easier for them to listen to you, too. Listening to your opponent explaining or expressing his or her views will help minimize the conflict.

Let your opponent know that you are interested in what he or she is saying even though you disagree with him or her. This helps to create an opening for you to engage the opponent, and provide the opportunity for you, too, to express your views.

Listening will help you to understand your opponent, even though you may still disagree with him or her. Fault-finding and name-calling will rather ignite more arguments, and intensify your opponent’s anger instead of solving the matter. Everybody believes that he or she is right.

Some people conceal their aggression. They hide their anger and hate. They have what is known as a concealed form of aggression. They express their anger without communicating their feelings directly. It is called passive aggression. The dictionary defines passive aggression as a behavior characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others while avoiding direct confrontation.

They dish out criticism, using reverse attack, but cannot withstand others critiquing them. They like hurting their opponents. They love to attack the integrity of their opponents or say anything to hurt the emotions of their opponents. They spew out vitriolic words even when they know what they say is not true. They speak like the piercings of the sword, (Proverbs 12:18).

Remain calm and avoid further arguments with them.

Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (NIV)

Don’t let what they say ruffle you. Think before you speak. “The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. (Proverbs 15:2; NIV)

It will not be easy initially, because as a human being, you will be hurt by their insults. However, if you practice ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose its venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.

Jesus always listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.

  • The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her emotions and her prejudice and make her listen to him.
  • Some Jews asked him whether it was right to pay taxes to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them they should give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God to God. The coin they showed Jesus had Caesar’s image. Human beings, on the other hand, are created in God’s image. It is right to give back to Caesar what Caesar gave you in the form of taxes. But worship belongs to God who created us in his image. Therefore, we must worship only God.

If you make what you present pleasant to people, they will want to listen to you. Then as they are listening, you can help them to understand your point of view. In that, you are helping them to make informed decisions.

Don’t be offended when your opponent suggests alternative opinions to yours. Listen carefully and evaluate what you hear so you can confidently say how yours is right or better. You could also be wrong.

Know when to stop arguing. Proverbs 17:28 says, “Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)

Don’t be sarcastic with your responses. Respect your opponent’s views and intelligence. You are not the only wise person in the world. Don’t be like Job’s friends who regarded themselves as the only wise persons in the world. Job told them, “No doubt you are the people, and wisdom will die with you.”(ESV)

Stop contending with people if you realize that they are not interested in listening to you, and will not allow you to explain your side of the matter. The more you contend with a person disagreeing with you, the more that person rages and fumes.

Proverbs 26:21 says, “A quarrelsome person starts fights as easily as hot embers light charcoal or fire lights wood,” (NLT). 

Winning without being violent – conquering by love and patience without hating

Winning without being violent and conquering by love and patience makes the world peaceful.

We can win without being violent. We can conquer by love and patience without hating. We do not have to win by violence.

Proverbs 25:15 says, “By long forbearance, a ruler is persuaded, and a gentle tongue breaks a bone.”

By Long Forbearance A Ruler Is Persuaded, And A Gentle Tongue Breaks A Bone (Proverbs 25:15)

Using persuasion takes time. Therefore, violent and impatient people do not want to take that route. Impatient people want immediate results.

Persuasion wins without the ugly consequences associated with violence. It avoids deaths, injuries, and destruction of properties associated with violence.

Jesus taught us to love, to tolerate, and to forgive.

We can’t use hate to make people like us. The more we hate, the more people dislike us and eventually hate us. We convert even our hostile enemies into loving people when they become our friends.

Win without being violent. Conquering by love and patience without hate makes our world peaceful. Therefore, Abraham Lincoln said, “I conquer my enemies when I make them my friends.”

I Conquer My Enemies When I Make Them My Friends (Abraham Lincoln)

Jesus met a Samaritan woman by a well (John4:5-43). The woman was antagonistic and sarcastic.

The situation between the Jews and the Samaritans at the time was almost at the boiling point of hatred. The Samaritan woman saw hate, anger, and vengeance, and so focused on hate, anger, and vengeance. But Jesus ignored her antagonistic stance and took a peaceful approach. Jesus felt the time had come for hate to end. It was time to banish hate by sowing seeds of love. Jesus, therefore, reached out to her with love.

Initially, the Samaritan woman was antagonistic in her response. She reminded Jesus that the situation between the Jews and the Samaritans was hate and anger.

Jesus continued to engage her with love, striving to turn her into a friend. Eventually, Jesus won her confidence and friendship.

We live in an age of hate and violence. People nurture hate and instill anger and hate into their offspring. They train their children to grow up hating people who disagree with them.

Jesus used the story of the Good Samaritan to teach us how we should love and help people. (Luke 10:25-37).

We may disagree with what others like or say. Nevertheless, we should allow them to express their views. We should not be angry when people disagree with our views.

It is right to be unhappy about negative things people say about us or do. However, we should control our emotions not to respond physically and violently. Violent reactions indirectly and wrongly provide proof for the perception that we are angry and violent.

Love conquers

Love Conquers, But Selfishness Prevents Us From Loving
Love Conquers

Some people express their feelings through anger and violence. Jesus, however, taught us not to return violence for violence.

In many parts of Africa, communities in rural areas have suffered economic depravity because of conflicts. Economic progress eludes these communities because investors are afraid to invest in such communities. Even indigenes of the communities prefer to invest in other communities rather than in their own.

Terrorists use violence to coerce people.

On September 21, 2013, a group of armed terrorists, the al-Qaeda-linked al-Shabaab, forcefully entered the Westgate Mall in Nairobi’s Parklands area and unleashed senseless violence upon customers and workers.

The al-Shabaab’s quarrel was with the government of Kenya, not with the ordinary people or the shoppers. Yet they unleashed their anger on innocent people who had no part in their quarrel. They thought their actions could coerce the Kenyan Government to kowtow to their demands.

The Westgate Mall massacre, by 2 pm September 22, claimed the lives of 67 people and wounded at least 175. One thousand people were rescued.

What happened in Kenya on September 21, 2013, was similar to what happened in the US on Tuesday, September 11, 2001, when a series of four coordinated terrorist attacks were launched by the Islamic terrorist group, al-Qaeda, upon the United States in New York City, and Washington, D.C. metropolitan area.

Terrorists pick on helpless people while those they have disputes with are untouched. Yet terrorists do not consider that.

Suicide bombers express their grievances by killing innocent and helpless people.

Religious militants attack and kill helpless people to get the attention of governments.

But their actions make people hate them. People do not sympathize with those who hurt them.

Conquer by persuading or by convincing people. Do not use force.

A German proverb says, “Patience is a bitter plant, but it has sweet fruit.” A similar one, “Patience is bitter, but it bears sweet fruit,” has been quoted by some as of Turkish origin, while others have attributed it to Aristotle, or to Jean Jacques Rousseau.

Jesus Christ taught Christians to express their views or beliefs by love. He told Christians, “Love your enemies and do good to those who hate you.”

Jesus used persuasion to win people’s love. He spoke to their conscience. In the face of provocations, Jesus always remained calm and discussed issues so convincingly that his opponents could not ignore them.

A woman was accused of committing adultery and brought before Jesus. The accusers reminded Jesus that the Law of Moses demanded that anyone who committed adultery must be stoned to death.

Jesus did not engage them in a lengthy argument. He did not try to talk to them to forgive the woman. Jesus said, “Anyone among you who has never committed any sin should throw the first stone.”

They all walked away without hurting the woman. Jesus turned to the woman and told her that he, too, was not going to condemn her. However, he advised her to go and sin no more. Though Jesus did not condone what she did and did not condemn her, he told her not to repeat the sin.

Do not allow your emotions to blind your reasoning. With patience, you can use persuasion to make people understand your point and accept your suggestions or views. Persuasion does not force people. If you use persuasion properly, people will not realize you are actually making them do what you want.

You may use force to get what you want. But you would live with the fear that your opponents may hurt you for revenge. You may conquer your opponents by using force and make them serve you. But that will not make them love you.

Violence breeds violence and reprisals. And that can continue without end.

Agree to sit at the negotiating table with your opponent to discuss an amicable end to the conflict or disagreement.

Anger is a difficult emotion to control. Angry people may think they are right when they are actually wrong. Anger overshadows their reasoning.

Many people are egoistic and care only about themselves. Anger, hate, and unforgiveness are always on their minds. They will hurt people and do anything to achieve their aims. They are unforgiving, insulting, sarcastic, and violent. They love hurting people with their words.

We read in Proverbs 12:18, “There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.” (NKJV)

Our emotions can affect how we process our decisions. Anger can make us make wrong decisions.

In Ephesians 4:22-29, we learn that we should renew the spirit of the mind by putting on the new personality. We must shun anger and all evil practices by living and practicing good deeds.

Uncontrolled anger inspires an aggressive response. When we are angry, what comes first to mind is to fight or attack.

Express your anger assertively without being aggressive. Don’t attack people if you are not happy with what they say. Calmly explain to people how they are not treating you fairly.

We must always remember to control our internal responses to be calm.

Practicing makes action becomes ingrained in the mind and transforms it into habit
Practicing makes action perfect

If you feed your mind with new thoughts and act on them, they will eventually become patterns of behavior. Your new mentality directs you to do things differently.

We, therefore, have the capacity to change. Our habits are the routines of behaviors we repeated regularly until they became embedded in our subconscious mind.

The first step to take to stop being angry is to delay reacting in anger. Seneca said, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”

Proverbs 16:32 says, “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.” (NKJV)

Our attitudes define our happiness.

We are the architects of the peace in our communities.

We can win without being violent.

Persuasion Is Better Than Force

Dealing with Personal Attacks, Overcoming Adversities and Winning Without Being Violent

Dealing with personal attacks, overcoming adversities and winning without being violent, are some challenges many people struggle with daily.

It can be depressing when people blame you for mistakes you have not committed. It pains when you are accused of something you did not do. Some people scold and blame others for the troubles they encounter. They always justify their own mistakes but will blame others for any trouble that comes their way.

Emotional people do not use logic when arguing

People will hurt and make you angry by being ungrateful and insulting

Though you may feel like reacting, do not let anger make you hate them. Show goodwill towards people – to both the good and the evil – despite their unfair criticisms or treatments. Don’t harbor hatred. God makes His sun to rise on both evil and good people and makes His rain to fall on the righteous and the unrighteous (Matthew 5:45).

As much as possible try to control your emotions. It will not be easy, but with prayer and faith in God, you can do it.

Do not stop the good works that you are doing. Criticisms against you may be unfair. However, never withdraw the good services you are doing for the community.

People will praise you and turn around to curse you

Moses led the Children of Israel out of Egypt. They were in bondage and cried for a deliverer. God sent Moses to help them out. They were happy and hailed Moses as their hero. They jubilated as they went out with Moses.

When everything was okay, Moses was the hero everyone loved and praised. He was the greatest.

But as soon as they encountered trouble, they quickly turned against Moses. They accused Moses and said he was the cause of their plight. They said,

“Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness? What have you done to us in bringing us out of Egypt?” (Exodus 14:11; ESV)

Moses who was the hero a few days earlier was now a villain, a scoundrel, an evil person. He was now the person to blame for their misfortunes.

They said to him,

 “Is not this what we said to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone that we may serve the Egyptians’? For it would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the wilderness.” (Exodus 14:12; ESV)

Remember that no one forced them to go out of Egypt with Moses. They all went out of their own volition. Because they wanted to go out of bondage, they sang, jubilated as they marched out of Egypt following Moses as their leader.

When everything is okay with people, they will say nice things about you. The same people will call you the devil when things go bad for them.

Arguing is a waste of precious time when dealing with angry people. Angry people are emotional, full of prejudice, and motivated by pride and vanity. When people find themselves disadvantaged, they look for scapegoats to lay their blame and failures on them.

No matter how sincere you are, some people will always see you in a bad light. Some will always suspect your good intentions and will have something evil to say about your good deeds.

They blamed Moses and put all their problems on him. Moses had a genuine intention to help the people in their sufferings. He was not benefitting directly. After all, he was living comfortably with his wife and father-in-law, Jethro the priest of Midian, before he came back to Egypt to deliver them.

In such situations do not be eager to vindicate yourself by debating them.

Hold back your anger. Look for points you both agree on and try to make them see that you seek their welfare. Then encourage them to help you find the solutions to the problem.

See beyond their ingratitude. Think of how you can help to correct the problem. Later, when the problem is solved, you can help them know how ungrateful they had been to you.

When you are confronted by the ingratitude of people, only love can make you continue to help.

Your passion for what you are doing will urge you on when things look bleak and ingratitude stares you in the face.

Your personality is patterned according to your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. Proverbs 23:7 says

“…as a man thinks in his heart so is he…”

Jesus also said,

“A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. (Matthew 12:35; NKJV)

You may be crippled by your problem; however, you will overcome if God is in you and His word and healing power working in you. Problems are temporary. You will find the solutions to them if you are focused.

You may have started late but you can still make it

Do not wait for someone (or good luck) to pull you out. No matter how little you perform or how slow you progress, work on and you will succeed.

David believed that the battle was for the Lord and that the Lord himself would fight for him.

However, David did not fold his hands and wait for God to fight. David took pebbles, a sling and went out to face Goliath. He used his feeble weapon against the mighty Goliath who wielded a mighty weapon. And he won (1 Samuel 17:45-51).

Go out with your sling and pebbles, backed by your faith in God, and see God fight and win the battle for you.

God told Moses to tell the Children of Israel to march forward against their obstacle – the Red Sea – and away from their enemies – the Egyptians.

Leaders must have confidence that success is possible. Leaders must stand firm despite the challenges confronting them. Moses encouraged the people not to be afraid.

13 “And Moses said to the people, ‘Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. 14 The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace.’” (Exodus 14:13-14; NKJV)

Of course, God was going to divide the sea, but he asked Moses to stretch his rod over it as a sign of faith in God and in God’s Word.

Moses acted and God divided the sea, making a way for them to cross over. (Exodus 14:15-23)

The Israelites walked on dry land and crossed over to the other side. But when the Egyptians followed, God again asked Moses to stretch his rod over the sea and close it over the Egyptians. The Egyptians were destroyed.

Angry people are too emotional to listen to logic

You cannot share useful information with people when they are angry and shouting at you.

Moses did not waste his time trying to argue with the people when they accused and blamed him for their many problems. Whenever they blamed him or accused him, Moses turned to God and prayed for courage and wisdom and moved on.

The emotional person does not use logic. If you try to use logic and facts to argue a point with someone who is already emotional, it will not work. When people are angry, they become emotional. The emotional person is not in the mood to listen. The emotional person wants to talk about his or her feelings and blame people.

We demonstrate what we believe. And so, people who look to circumstances and believe they cannot succeed remain poor and helpless.

If you sow thoughts of fear, sickness, enmity, etc., you shall reap the same in abundance. Therefore, those who sow thoughts of greatness, prosperity and good health reap the same in greater quantities.

Most of the Children of Israel believed they could not succeed. Moses, on the other hand, believed that they could succeed.

Stop complaining against people who do not help you. Stop groaning about how life is difficult and unfair. Life is difficult and unfair to many people. Complaining, whining and groaning will not change your situation. Put your faith into action and believe God to stand behind your faith.

Your present life may be bitter and frustrating. However, if you do not stop believing and working, tomorrow will be great.

The height of your success will be determined by how high your aspiration is. In the same way, your lowest level of inferiority is determined by how low you conceive yourself to be.

Think constructively. Think positively and act on what you think. If you do not act you will not achieve anything.

Remind yourself always of the good fortune that awaits you at the other side of your ‘Red Sea’. Stretch forth your hand and part your Red Sea.

If your hope is on a fellow human being, be it a rich friend or a brother, to help you, you might be disappointed. You may look for help from many places, but let your faith and hope reside in the Lord, and he will find the help you need. Psalm 75:6-7 says,

6 “For promotion cometh neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. 7 But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another.” (KJV)

Moses did not look up to the people. The people saw only Moses. They did not see God in the picture. That is why many people are followers. That is why only a few are leaders. Leaders believe in themselves and look unto God for direction. They know they will succeed.

Decide on what you want to be in a few years’ time from now. Moses looked beyond. His mind was to get over to the other side of the Red Sea. That sea was a hindrance, but he knew he could overcome it.

Every problem is outmatched by the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit living in you. 1 John 4:4 says,

“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.” (NKJV)

Romans 8:31 assures us,

“What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (NKJV)

No problem can defeat you. You are the master of your problems. Rise up and conquer your mountains.

Most people blame material circumstances as the source of their difficulties, trials, and failures. Most people blame their failures on a lack of financial resources. Though these are factors that make success difficult, they are not ultimate barriers.

Adverse conditions, environments, and circumstances should be challenges that should spur you to success. Climb over the obstacles. Use the obstacles as steppingstones.

Jesus said,

“For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.” (Mark 11:23; NKJV)

Match your prayer and belief with works, because faith without works is dead. (James 1:22-25)

Do not waste your time in frivolities or other vain things. Think always about what your future should be like. And do not waste your time arguing and trying to prove you are right or good. Your deeds will eventually prove your integrity.

People will notice you if you are successful

When you become a success people will then recognize you and your worth. And then they will care about the story you say about yourself. Because they will want to learn from your success story.

Whatever you do, do it to attain the goal ahead.  While the people accused Moses, Moses focused his mind on God. Rather than hitting back at them, he took the problem to God. Seek guidance and answers. Don’t stop to argue with complainers. Winston Churchill said,

“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.” (Unquote)

Initially, things would be difficult. And it would not be easy to persevere. But with practice and persistence, you will learn to persevere. And your perseverance will take you to your success.

Persist in your spirit. Do not let any obstacle dampen your spirit. Proverbs 18:14 says,

“The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, but who can bear a broken spirit?” (NKJV)

Work persistently. Make good plans and review or update them periodically.

Save a percentage of what you earn – do not touch your savings now. Discipline yourself and let your little savings grow into a huge investment capital tomorrow.

Do not let people dictate how you should live. Some people allow others to pull their strings. You can never live your life to its fullest by living according to other people’s definitions of success.

Your parents, your friends, or politicians, cannot truly define your life to its fullest. They may suggest some things, but the ultimate decision of what you want to be would be defined by yourself. James Baldwin said,

“I was not born to be what someone said I was. I was not born to be defined by someone else, but myself only.” (Unquote)

You must have the confidence that you will succeed. Your confidence will lead you and urge you on to success. Without confidence, you will not have the urge to continue when the tempest of failures assail you. Your passionate desire to achieve your goal will drive you on when challenges confront you.

Procrastination is said to be the thief of time. When you procrastinate you push your future further into the farthest future.

When you fail, do not quit. Try again, and again, and again, till you succeed.

Let these words of Micah be your mind,

“Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; when I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me.” (Micah 7:8; NKJV)

Plan on how to tackle the problem. Give yourself time for the execution and the achievement of the plan of action. Work daily towards achieving the goal. Review your plans weekly or as often as you can. Make corrections or modifications, and where necessary make deletions. Be enthusiastic about your project.

However, if you do not see any improvement after persistently failing many times, ask yourself whether you need to review your plans or change them entirely. If by two or three years you do not see any improvement, you may need to change your plans. That is why you should have a three-year, five-year and ten-year plans. These periods should see some marked improvements as you march towards your goal.

To become successful, you must focus your mind and energy on the actions that will take you closer to the goals you want to achieve. Don’t let the pain of temporary failure weaken your determination.

We read in Proverbs 24:10,

“If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small.” (NKJV)

Stand up and face your problems. Like Moses, be calm and face your ‘Red Sea’. With faith in God and full of self-confidence Moses parted the Red Sea.

If God’s Spirit is your partner, His knowledge and wisdom will guide you.

One spirit with the Lord

“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.” (1 Corinthians 6:17: NKJV)

The Spirit of God indwelling you will enable you to overcome. Not by might, nor by power, but by the spirit of God… (Zechariah 4:6).

After the Red Sea incident, the people complained again any time they encountered trouble. They complained against Moses and Aaron.

Even though it was apparent that it was not Moses, but God, who was the provider, they complained against Moses and Aaron and blamed the two for their problems.

People will blame you when there is trouble even when it is not your fault.

At some point, they even became violent and ready to stone Moses. Ingratitude at its highest. They had forgotten so soon all that God did for them through this same Moses. In such a situation you might feel like giving up.

They did not consider that Moses was facing the problems with them. All they thought of was their own selfish interests.

Though he was not happy with their attitude, Moses went to God any time they were confronted with severe challenges. He did not blame anyone.

In your dealings with people, no matter how transparent you are, some will find fault with you. Some will accuse you. Some will hate you, and some will slight you. No matter how honest you are, some people will dislike you and will lie about you.

Moses continued to show love and kindness despite the people’s ingratitude and hate towards him

In every community, there will be a mixed multitude. When the children of Israel left Egypt, we read in Exodus 12:38 that, a mixed multitude went up with them. They are fair-weather people.  In Numbers 11:4-6 we read how they caused great commotion and great trouble among the Children of Israel.

4 “Now the mixed multitude who were among them yielded to intense craving; so the children of Israel also wept again and said: ‘Who will give us meat to eat? 5 We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; 6 but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (NKJV)

We will come across these kinds again in the New Testament. This time, the New Testament refers to them as “lewd fellows of the baser sort.”

“But the Jews which believed not, moved with envy, took unto them certain lewd fellows of the baser sort, and gathered a company, and set all the city on an uproar, and assaulted the house of Jason, and sought to bring them out to the people.” (Acts 17:5; KJV)

The American Standard Version refers to them as “vile fellows of the rabble,” the Amplified Bible describes them as “wicked men (ruffians and rascals) and loungers in the marketplace.”

The mixed multitude, the lewd fellows of the baser sort, will cause ‘earthquakes’ in your life. But you must stand firm when the earthquakes hit you.

Moses and Aaron lived lives of prosperity and victory because they did not pay back evil for evil. They planted good seeds of love, kindness, and goodwill. They, therefore, reaped goodness, love, prosperity and the best of health. Aaron lived 123 years (Numbers 33:39) and Moses 120 years (Deuteronomy 34:7).

Most often our responses to the evil done to us are to repay people according to the manner they treat us. However, Proverbs 24:29 says,

“Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’” (NKJV)

Use your time profitably and let God avenge you. Romans 12:17-21 says not to avenge ourselves. Focus on doing good and leave the rest to God. “Vengeance is mine”, says the Lord.

If all of us would live that way, there would be less or no violence in our communities, and our societies would be peaceful, healthy and full of happiness.

If we would all use our time and energy to nurture and practice peace, we would have tranquil communities rapidly progressing economically.

Do not let your emotions run you and control your actions. Manage your anger and aggressive feelings. Be a peacemaker always.

Sometimes, our rash responses inadvertently create or aggravate conflicts, and we ourselves suffer the consequences.

Some people cannot see how they are wrong. So, they fight back when you correct them.

The Bible says in Isaiah 52:7,

“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who proclaims peace, who brings glad tidings of good things…” (NKJV)

Furthermore, we read in Matthew 5:9

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” (NKJV)

Jesus says in Luke 6:31-33

31 “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. 32 But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.  33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.” (NKJV)

Do not act when you are angry. You might do something terrible. You might hurt a person, an animal or destroy valuable properties.

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How to listen to angry opponents when you are angry

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 2

It is difficult to listen to angry opponents when you are angry.  Therefore, calm down. Anger inflames tension.

When an angry person engages you in angry and heated debate, do not try to prove that you, too, can spew out acidic words. Instead, invite him or her to a peaceful dialogue.

Listening and observing Robert Baden-Powell

You may become frustrated as you try to make your opponent listen to you and understand your point of view.

Control your emotions. Do not engage in fault-finding. Fault-finding ignites arguments and creates conflicts instead of solving issues. Your opponent can become adamant and resist your views if you engage in fault-finding.

Everybody believes he or she is right.

People can be emotionally shocked when they hear that they are wrong. That can provoke fierce, and even hysterical, resistance from fanatics or die-hard believers. And that can make them want to hurt their opponents by attacking the integrity of their opponents or say anything to pierce the emotions of their opponents.

Don’t respond in like manner. Always remain calm in the face of negative reactions.

Don’t let the hard words of your angry opponents disturb you.

You are human and you would be hurt by hard words. However, if you try ignoring what they say, the sting in their words will lose their venom and you would not feel the hurt anymore.

Addressing the concerns or needs of the listener can help create favorable reactions.

Lead the listener gradually to the point where the listener can assimilate the truth.

Jesus listened carefully before answering accusers and those who verbally attacked him.

  • The Samaritan woman was hostile and sarcastic. But Jesus did not hit back at her. Eventually, he was able to calm her down and make her accept him and his views. (John 4:7-30)
  • Some Jews attempted to provoke Jesus by asking him a controversial question as to whether it was right for Jews to pay tax to Caesar. Jesus responded wisely by telling them it was appropriate to give what belonged to Caesar to Caesar and what belonged to God (worship) to God. (Matthew 22:15-22)

If you make what you present pleasant, and not insulting, people will be comfortable listening to you. Don’t look down on them and don’t disregard their views even though you don’t agree with them. Get their attention to listen to you. As they are listening you can then help them to understand your point of view.

Help them think and reason through so they can make the right conclusions. Ask questions that will make them think.

Analyze what they are saying. It will help you to know how right or how wrong they are.

Whoever restrains his words ... Proverbs 17:27

We read in Proverbs 17:28,

“Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.” (ESV)

Don’t be sarcastic with your responses.

Stop argument before it develops into a quarrel.

Stop contending with people when you realize that they are not listening to you and will not give you the chance to explain your side of the matter.

If the wsie man must not contend with the fool ... Proverbs 29:9

The more you contend with a person who disagrees with you, the more that person rages and fumes.

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry … Part 1

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry, does not seem to be a wise suggestion. Yet it is the right advice.

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry
You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … Harper Lee

Religious people, politicians – everybody – should learn to listen to opposing views. We must learn to listen to the other person in our angry moments.

Students shoot and kill when they can’t have their way. In anger, they vent their frustrations on innocent people.

Religious militants attack and kill people who express different views. They angrily and violently defend their beliefs but will not allow others to express theirs. Their anger makes it difficult for them to tolerate divergent opinions.

We live daily in fear of angry suicide bombers who strike at random.

Some people can’t listen to opposing views yet want others to listen to theirs.

Listening helps solve problems. When we listen, we hear what our opponents say.

Why you should listen to your opponet when you are angry
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand… Stephen R. Covey

We must not listen only to rebut. Sincere listening helps us understand our opponent’s problems and views. We must listen to know the problem, so we can respond appropriately.

Some people hate to listen when their opponents tell them they are wrong. When their opponents suggest different options, they find it difficult to listen.

Ego also prevents us from listening.

A man noticed a police officer trying hard to make some local people obey him. He observed that they did not understand the English language that the police officer spoke. So he suggested that the officer could make them understand if he spoke in a language they understood.

The police officer asked the gentleman angrily, “Are you the one to teach me how to do my work?” The suggestion offended the police officer’s ego. Yet he was not making headway by his approach.

Why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry
Be not quick in your spirit to become angry

The gentleman tried to explain but the police officer got angrier. He and his colleagues assaulted the gentleman, resulting in the man sustaining injuries.

The man was trying to help. But their inflated and conceited ego made it difficult for them to appreciate the man’s good intentions and views.

When we are arguing we are more interested in what we say than what others say. So we become impatient and can’t wait for them to finish expressing or elaborating on their views. And we interrupt with our prejudices.

We may interpret our opponents’ contrary views to be personal attacks on us.

Listening to another person’s point of view does not necessarily mean you agree with him or her.

When you listen to people you get to know how they think and why they behave the way they do. And that contributes to solving the problem. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.

Religious militants believe they are always right. They insist they are right even when evidence or proof is provided to suggest otherwise. They can’t acknowledge that others, too, could be right.

Angel Cataluna says,

“To handle an objection you must first listen to the other person, and make sure they know you are listening.” (Angel A. Cataluna, Basic Influencing and Persuasion.)

If your opponent knows that you are open to listen to what he or she says, he or she, too, will listen to you.  You can disagree with each other, and yet have a healthy dialogue.

We learn by listening and observing. And as Cataluna said, we must make sure they know we are listening. That encourages them to also want to listen to us. That is why you should listen to your opponent when you are angry.

(Further Reading, “Why Persuasion Is Better Than Force.”)

(“Conquering Without Being Violent.”)

Uncontrolled anger

 

To be continued…

 

Controlling Anger … Part 2 of controlling emotional anger

Controlling anger is difficult, but with commitment you will be able to do it.

Controlling anger requires effort and determination. 

Controlling anger
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty

Controlling emotional anger should be a deliberate act

Transformation will occur if you feed your mind with patience, tolerance, and love. These qualities will transform your personality from the angry and aggressive to the peaceful and friendly.

How do you transform your aggressive and angry behavior?

Transformation will start with the controlling of your emotions. The inner mind begins the transformation process using what you feed it. Moreover, your personality will begin to reflect the new pattern that your mind is shaping with the new data.

Counter negative and hostile thoughts with positive, calm and friendly thoughts. Your mind will always respond to what you feed it. And tolerance will help you listen to other people’s views even if you disagree with them.

William Arthur Ward said,

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”

controlling anger
It’s honorable to stop striving

(You may also be interested in reading, “Persuasion is Better Than Force.”)

We read in Ephesians 4:22-24 how we can reframe the mind. We can renew our  mind by feeding it with new positive thoughts. Furthermore, the brain will adapt to the new suggestions we feed it. As we continue to feed the mind with the new thoughts, and continue to act on them, we develop a pattern of new thoughts and responses.

The new thoughts and behaviors become ingrained in the mind, eventually becoming new habits, and transforming us into new personalities, (Romans 12:2).

(Suggested further reading)

Controlling anger can be done in an assertive way

Controlling anger in an assertive way should be non-aggressive. We must not use the frontal attack, no matter how much we disagree with people. Moreover, we must not be quick to become angry.

“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools,” (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

We must practice doing the right thing until it becomes part of our thinking and acting processes.

Leo Tolstoy said,

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”

You must, therefore, learn not to respond in anger when you disagree with people. Don’t let your emotions explode in anger when you disagree with people.

Brian Tracy remarked that,

“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

Be slow to anger and take your time to listen to the other person.

(Suggested further reading, “Conquering Without Being Violent”)

If you truly want to change, you will persist until you have formed the new habit of patience and tolerance.

Controlling emotional anger … Part 1

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Controlling emotional anger

Controlling emotional anger is difficult and frustrating. Also, uncontrolled anger can be scary and destructive.

Anger is a powerful emotion and is very difficult to control. 

We use anger to check people who do us wrong. Moreover, we may use anger as a violent weapon against people we hate.

We must learn to be angry without being violent.

Some of us struggle to control emotional anger when people do not listen to us. Religious militants, for instance, use violence to compel people to listen.  They proclaim that their deity is peaceful, loving and merciful. And yet they use violence to compel people to worship their deity.

It is possible to control emotional anger

Human beings have the capacity to do what they want without using violence. We can articulate our beliefs or opinions without using anger or violence. So, controlling our emotional anger is possible.

You may want to read how to manage anger

Controlling emotional anger helps us to stay calm

Life is a constant struggle. Moreover, people will attack your person and make you feel bad. When that happens don’t seek to equalize.

Tell people how their words are hurting you. But do not attack them. Deal with the problem.

Do not say, “I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.” (Proverbs 24:29; NKJV)

Do not let negative and angry thoughts linger on your mind.

(You may want to read “Conquering Without Being Violent”)

Controlling emotional anger will help develop a forbearing attitude

Don’t react angrily to angry situations.

You can control your emotional anger by feeding your brain with positive information. So, feed it with peace, love, compassion, and tolerance.

How do you transform your aggressive and angry personality, and how can you be angry without being angrier?  You must renew your mind.

To be continued

How and why uncontrolled anger makes us look antagonistic

Uncontrolled anger can make us look antagonistic

Uncontrolled anger
Violence is immoral because it thrives on hatred rather than love.

Uncontrolled anger makes us lose the opportunity to win people’s trust.

Many people are unaware of their uncontrolled anger.

Many have fires burning in their bosoms, yet pretend to be loving and caring.

People condemn Al-Qaeda, ISIS, Al-Shabaab, Boko Haram, and persons or groups who slit people’s throats and decapitate people, and yet they turn around to do evil to fellow humans.

We condemn suicide bombers in the Arab countries, in Europe, etc., yet we lynch people without evidence that they deserve to die by such inhuman acts.

Some Christians, despite the teachings of Jesus, use the wrong frontal method of attacking angry and violent people. It is unwise to attack angry and violent people; especially when they are defending their beliefs. You make them angrier.

Uncontrolled anger can produce angry responses from listeners. And angry responses can interfere with listeners’ minds. They may feel your responses are attacks and would want to defend themselves. The listener may feel intimidated and belittled.

Uncontrolled anger can misrepresent the truth about our opinions

We must, therefore, learn to control our anger.

Angry moods convey antagonistic impressions — they attack the persons we want to win over.

Continue reading “How and why uncontrolled anger makes us look antagonistic” →